Heavy Metal Bowser: Metal is Forever
by Treacle Parcheesi
Summary: Kamek races to The Land of Confusion to save the woman he loves from a crazed, evil Koopa Wizard. Luigi and Daisy command their own space fleet, and Bowser and Peach, bitter rivals, must save the universe once and for all in the psychological fantasy story... Of a rainy and helplessly boring summer. All fanservice, violence and blasphemy intentional.
1. Children of Eudicot

_**…Call it – Heavy Metal!**_

* * *

"Mario! Luigi! Save me!"

Princess Peach, ruler of the peaceful Mushroom Kingdom had been taken by her relentless enemy, King Bowser. She waved to her friends on the draw bridge underneath them, and cast out a rope she had fashioned from two portrait canvases, her skirt and a blanket.

The burning, fire-spitting lava pit underneath the two plumbers threatened to burn the two plumbers to autumn leaves. They clenched the rope for dear life.

"Hold on, bro!" Mario shouted.

The mission to save Princess Peach had taken the Mario brothers several weeks and through many dangerous worlds. Now, at the end, confronted with the hardest battle yet, exhausted and frightened, they found that King Bowser was having the time of his life fighting them.

"I'll flay you alive and eat your skin!" He roared. Luigi dodged a fireball by swinging his rope back and forth.

Bowser jumped down from the prison tower and landed on one of the bridges. The impact made the ground and everything vibrate nauseatingly. It was enough to make the top floor of the rickety tower to cave in. Mario covered his head to protect it from the falling rocks, and didn't realize what was going on before Peach was plummeting toward the lava pit.

"Princess!" Mario grabbed her hand as she wrapped her legs around a beam from the crumpling roof.

"Mario!"It was Luigi. The knot tying the blanket to the princess' skirt had loosened and now Luigi had nothing to hold on to but the wall itself.

Bowser bellowed with evil laughter. "You can only save one, Mario! Choose or you will _all_ die!"

Mario closed his eyes. If he could just swing a little to the side, they would land on the lava barge instead of the rocks. "Hold on to my leg, bro!"

Luigi held his breath. If Mario made it, they could all go back home. Peach tried to swallow the lump in her throat. And have strawberry and apricot cake -

"Hold on, Luigi!" Mario made a choice; the wrong one. The rock Luigi was resting his body weight on gave in, and he fell down… Down… Down…

He landed on the flat rocks. Mario and Peach were too high from the ground to see what had happened to him, but managed to climb down the collapsed roof, that hung over the wall. When Bowser saw that, he immediately gave up on any organized type of battle and ran across the draw bridge, thinking it was not too late to kill Mario after all. But not if Peach had anything to say. She noticed the button that controlled the bridge, and stepped on it.

Bowser's tremendous weight made it impossible for the bridge to rise, which would effectively push him to other side; giving the Marios and the princess time to escape Dark Land. Instead, the whole bridge gave way, taking a roaring Bowser with it into the darkness and oblivion below. Peach looked away; she was not proud of what she had done.

Luigi lay on his side with his cap off; it was next to him. His eyes were closed. Mario sat down on his knees next him and nudged him in the shoulder.

"Bro?" He said softly. "It's over. We're safe now."

Luigi didn't move.

"Mario," Peach said and her tone was ominous. Mario turned away; hiding his face. He didn't want to hear what she was about to say.

"He's gone."

For a while they sat there with Luigi, but Peach knew they couldn't linger. "We have to leave, Mario."

"No." Mario's voice was shaking. "I'm not leaving my brother behind."

In that moment the silence was torn by the shrieking of a hoard of Magikoopas. Mario had to leave Luigi's body behind and escape with the Princess through a Warp Pipe that led to Mountain Land and from there back to Peach's Castle.

* * *

The news of Luigi's death had reached all of the Mushroom Kingdom in just one afternoon, and soon, Princess Daisy, Yoshi and Toadette showed up to pay their respect to Mario. Peach made the tea while Toad made sandwiches, and they all sat in Peach's room, staring out the window. It had begun to rain.

Out of nowhere Mario suddenly asked: "What am I gonna tell Mama Mario?"

Peach put her cup down, but she couldn't talk; the grief was too much for her to bear. Toad, who had been sitting in the windowsill to hide his tears, jumped up.

"Princess? What's that on the sky?"

Peach went over to the window and looked out. Her first thought was that some of the Toads had lit fireworks in Luigi's honor. A large, red, sparkling heart appeared slowly and grew in size, but there was no sound, and it didn't vanish.

Daisy squinted. The image evoked certain memories… then she remembered. "I know what this. I've seen it before."

Little creatures flew out from the twinkling heart; Medi Guys, and the extremely rare Medikoopas. They were all joining hands in carrying a shrouded item, or possible creature, and they were headed for Peach's Castle. The princess ran downstairs, and out on the square before the entrance. Daisy followed her, and took care of the greeting.

"Children of Eudicot! Allies of Star Breeze*! What brings you down to us?"

Peach stared at her friend; what was all this gibberish about?

One of the Medikoopas left the circle and cleared her throat. That sounded like a little bell being rung.

"Dear friends, we bring terrible news, but also a request for your help. May we set foot on your land?"

"Of course," Peach replied.

The Medi Guys and Koopas were relieved to unload what they had carried. The moment they put it down it started tossing inside the sheet it was wrapped in and spouting muffled swears.

"What have you brought?" Daisy asked. One of the Medi Guys pulled the sheet off.

Underneath was the biggest, fattest and ugliest Magikoopa Daisy had ever seen in her life. She had never met him in person, but Peach had when she was a teenager.

"Wisenheimer," she said resentfully.

The Magikoopa growled. "That's _Wizenheimer_!"

His voice was so deep Peach could have sworn she felt it under her feet. Her usual fun, polite and friendly attitude changed. Her face was carved in stone. "Get him inside; my garden is wilting."

Wizenheimer was carefully bound to a chair. Toad found a desk lamp to light the wizard in the face with.

"We're so sorry we had to defile your home with the presence of this degenerate," one of the Medi Guys said. "But I think it's for the best if you got this story right from the horse's ass. I mean, mouth."

"We caught him trying to steal one of our magic books," another Medikoopa said. "It's written in the Old Language. There's only about half a dozen Magikoopas who can read it. We suspect that Wizardheimer was trying to take the book to this Koopa."

"Who?" Daisy frowned.

"Kamek, of course," Mario said blankly.

Wizenheimer scowled. "All right; I admit it, Princess. After you and your friends defeated me in my own house and destroyed my wand I kinda, hm, _lost it_ for a while. You know what I had to do for a living, hm? I took a degree in psychology and spent day in and day out counseling bipolar Magikoopas. Ironic much, huh?"

Wizenheimer took on a disturbing, mocking tone: "'Mama didn't love me, my long wand is me compensating for something, my uncle touched me places he shouldn't have'. Sick! I almost became one of them myself until I heard what happened to one of my old adversaries. Where is the green-eyed plumber?"

Nobody said anything out of respect for Mario.

"Touching," Wizenheimer scoffed. "I _knew_ he's worm food."

Peach raised her hand; about to smack him. She had never been this angry in her life. When Daisy grabbed Peach's hand, Wizenheimer laughed viciously. It was goofy, but only goofy enough to add to the creepiness of it.

"Why are you laughing, Wiseacre?" Toad's eyes narrowed.

"Bowser is gone. That means it's time for me to rise again. I'm gonna destroy everything and everyone you hold dear, Princess. The same goes for Bowser. And when you and your antique way of leadership has gone the way of the dodo, I will rule this... Mushroom Kingdom."

It was Mario's turn to scoff. "Whatever you lost, you still haven't found, Wiseguy."

"You fool," Wizenheimer bared his fangs and laughed. "You're a Star Child. Don't you know anything about the powers of the Star Children?"

"No Toad, Human, Goomba or Koopa can know everything about Star Children," the Medikoopa carrying what Wizenheimer had stolen interjected. "That's why you tried to steal this book, because everything is in it. You only know bits and pieces."

"What bits and pieces?" Peach asked.

The Medikoopas all looked so despondent all of a sudden. They stopped flapping their wings and landed on the floor.

"You know that Star Children's hearts have unimaginable powers in them, right?" The female Koopa put her hand over Mario's chest. "No one knows for sure exactly how these powers work just yet. We Medikoopas believe that the Star Children of today are scouts; steps toward a future race of powerful Star People."

She sighed. "No matter where a Star Child's allegiances are when they are grown up; good or evil, all of them are bound together. A thousand years ago, or so, what happened to Mr. Luigi happened to another Star Child. There were two at the time; they were siblings. When a Star Child that has a sibling that is also a Star Child dies wrongfully, the other one turns evil…"

"And friends become enemies." Daisy ended the sentence. She had no idea how she knew all this.

Mario thought about it for the longest time. "You're saying that… I will become evil?"

Many of the Medikoopas started crying, and hid their faces in their sleeves. They didn't like listening to scary old prophecies before bedtime.

"Indeed," Wizenheimer said sadistically. "There's no stopping it. Everyone you care about better be on the right side when it happens, Princess."

Peach turned away, feeling the panic in her chest as Wizenheimer was dragged off, laughing like a rabid animal, to the dungeon. She decided against revoking the Toad's Rights Law and having the Magikoopa's head cut off. But what could she do? What could anyone do?

"I think someone better call for Radar," she concluded.


	2. Tea for Tomb

**Short chapter; I know, but it's pretty intense. Let's all take a ride on heavy metal…**

"That hurts."

"Sucks to be you."

"I don't wanna play this game anymore."

"Shut up."

The Koopa Kid had been tied to a metal slate against the wall. The only reason why she had agreed to this was because her boss' youngest kid had promised her candy when it was over. But the so-called "game" Bowser Jr. had talked her into playing, was scary and painful.

"I'm gonna tell," she threatened.

Junior shook his head. "You won't tell a soul. I rule when King Dad isn't here. And I rule that when I'm in the room, no girls talk. They make sandwiches and chocolate milk, or else I throw them in the dungeon and let them starve."

The little Koopa girl cried and wanted her mama. Junior was displeased, but as a booby prize he had the opportunity to pull the lever on the floor and make the other half of the slab press against her body until she couldn't make that sound anymore. Of course the game left a terrible mess on the floor; which was why he called for Kamek.

Kamek used his wand to sluice the mess right down into a storm drain in the dungeon floor. The Koopa girl's spiky cuffs were too big to fit through the grid, so the wizard knelt down to pick them up. He sighed and closed his eyes, pressing the cuffs against his chest. Another innocent life sacrificed and for what? A plan that never changed or gave results. Kamek checked the number on the side of the cuffs and had them sent to the owner's mother. She would probably appreciate having some part of her daughter home for dinner.

"When I'm done with this, you're off to bed, young sir. You get crabby if you don't have your nap."

Junior was indeed upset, but it was not because he was sleepy. For his birthday he had not wanted toys or yellow coins or that stupid galaxy; he wanted a mama. And not just any mama; but one who could bake cookies and tell him stories and everything else he told her to. Bowser had only one mama in mind, but the stupid plumbers came to rescue her. Again. And the mama he had promised his son had tried to kill him. She failed. Bowser was only sleeping, but he couldn't wake up, no matter what Kamek did to rouse him.

Kamek treated himself to a bath after finally getting Bowser Jr. to sleep. Feeling a bit peckish, he opted for a snack before climbing into bed.

Iggy Koopa, Bowser's middle child, had given him a microwave last Christmas. At least it was designed to look like a microwave without a door; the Koopaling got the idea from _Star Trek_. All you had to do was line up in front of it and say what you wanted.

"Yogi Tea; two sugars," Kamek said and the tea appeared before him in a mug that read: "Roy Is a Moron X Wendy". He recognized the mug from the castle's kitchen. Obviously the invention didn't create food on its own, it rather teleported it from the nearest source. Either way, it was extraordinary.

Kamek sat on the side of his bed while drinking the hot and spicy tea. He felt his eyes becoming so, so heavy… He finished his tea and put the cup on the nightstand, and almost didn't have time to toss his legs up into the bed before falling asleep like a rock.

Walking… Walking down a hall.

A beeping. "It's my alarm clock." Kamek reached out and took it. "I'll just turn it off and go back to sleep…"

He was awakened once again, not by an alarm clock, but a splash of water to the face. He yelped.

"What the hell is this?"

"If it isn't my mentor, the great Kamek," a vaguely familiar voice boomed behind him. "How's your _awful_ mother issue treating you these days?"

Kamek found that his arms were tied, so he couldn't rub the fog out of his eyes. His glasses were gone, too.

"I can't move," he groaned. "Help me." The room around him was spinning.

"That's fine. Go back to sleep. We'll talk later."

He passed out, and this time everything went completely black.


	3. The Darkening

Princess Peach had a wide variety of strange adventures under her belt, but none of them could compare to the experience of riding a giant bird through the universe. The last time she had shared an adventure with Radar the Roc, they had both been thrust deep into Larry Koopa's subconscious; a corrupt, dark world with only small pockets of decency. She couldn't remember much of the event, but sometimes she would dream of it. It had all been a dream; a deadly one.

That adventure had also started with a visit to the Medikoopas and their ruler, Panacea. They resided in outer space, in a glass dome surrounded by three rainbow rings. It looked more like a winter garden than a hospital, or whatever place doctors and surgeons would feel at home.

Radar landed on the cloud outside the gates. Peach jumped right off; the others needed some time after the rough trip they just had. Daisy slid herself down the eagle bird's back, and heaved.

"Goodness, that was awful," she groaned. Radar made an insulted snort.

The gates to the Medikoopa Hub were immediately opened, and two figures, only familiar to Daisy, came flying out to her.

"Princess Daisy!" They flew right into her arms and let her hug them.

"Fern! Felix!" Daisy was overjoyed to see them again. "It's been, like, forever! Look how big you've gotten!"

They giggled. "Yeah; we have both grown half an inch in six years! Pana says that's a record!"

Fern straightened her mint green glasses. "Princess Peach, Mario, Toad; nice to see you. But where's Luigi?"

Panacea was tending her patients and giving them the last dose of the day. None of the patients slept in hospital beds; they were all kept in the Sleeping Bag Tree, a giant tree whose name came from its foliage.

"You know, Madam," the male Koopa Troopa said as he swallowed the bitter medicine. "I hear that the best cure for plastron fever is some good old fashion lovin'. Just saying." He smiled at her.

Panacea returned the smile, although with a slight smirk to it. "Oh, I agree, but I'm afraid that if I start administering it, I'll go over budget."

"Yeah, yeah…" He entered a mild slumber when she directed her caduceus at his temple.

Fern and Felix came running into the dormitory. "They're here, they're here!"

"Shhh!" Panacea hissed. "You're Medikoopas! Do you really need to be told not to scream in a room full of sleeping sick people? Who's here?"

"The two princesses, Mario and Toad."

She sighed in relief. "I knew they would come. What about Luigi?"

The two siblings immediately started crying; unfortunately Mario had been blunt enough to tell them about Luigi's death.

* * *

"Then all the Medikoopas' worst fears have been realized," Panacea said ominously as she sat down in her armchair. "First, we catch Wisenheimer trying to rob us, then we learn that one of the Star Children have been murdered by another."

"Wizenheimer is in custody at the Dark Star Penitentiary," Daisy said reassuringly. "We considered Freaky Fred's, but it wasn't safe enough."

"It's not gonna keep him for long." Panacea sighed heavily. "He may not know the whole prophecy, but he knows part he needs. The stars inside you, Princess, and Mario, are darkening."

"We will become evil?" Mario asked. "Wizenwiseguy said that, but I didn't believe him."

Panacea shook her head. "The stars are independent from your souls. You will want to use your powers for good, but you'll only be capable of doing evil."

"How do we stop it? Please tell me there's a way we can stop this!"

"There's only one way we can reverse The Darkening. And that is to find the soul of your brother."

"You can make Luigi come alive again, can't you?" Toad raised his hand.

Panacea shook her head. "When I was just apprenticing, my mentor told me that no magic possessed by the living can fully bring back the dead. Only as Dry Bones, but this is black magic. We Medikoopas can't use our magic for selfish purposes. If we want to make ourselves a cup of tea, we better make one for someone else too."

"Where can we find Luigi's soul?" The Medikoopas had always fascinated Daisy, and she couldn't wait to hear more.

"You can find him in the Hereafter, where everybody goes when they die, of course. And I'm coming with you. Fern! Felix!"

The two youngest Medikoopas appeared. "At your service, Ma'am!" They said.

"You're in charge of the bed pans while I'm gone." Panacea put on her red cape and took her wand.

"Oh… OK." The twins obviously thought she had something else in store for them, but didn't stay disappointed for long. "You're changing that weirdo Koopa's pan!"

"No way!" Fern flew after her brother into the sickbay.

* * *

Kamek woke up slowly, and opened his eyes. He couldn't see much, as his glasses were gone, but he could feel his body lying in a two inch-deep pool of tepid water. He patted the ground around him in search of the glasses.

"To your left, Kamek; always your left. You haven't changed much…"

The elderly Koopa wizard put the specs on, but the first thing he saw wasn't pleasant. It was the large face of Wizenheimer, who cackled maliciously. Wizenheimer was, in his day, the most powerful Magikoopa in all of Dinosaur Land. All Magikoopas there feared and admired him, with good reason. Wizenheimer lived in a big Ghost House on the island, but because everybody was so afraid of him, he couldn't find a wife or any friends to hang with. Magikoopas can't endure loneliness; it's in their nature to travel and live in orderly tribes. So whoever entered the Forest of Illusion, his territory, were kidnapped and made to hang around in his dungeon instead. Over the centuries, only five people had entered Wizenheimer's house and made it out alive. Physically he was also much bigger than most Magikoopas, and his fangs were slanting inwards, making him look like a venomous spider.

Kamek couldn't think of anything to say. Thirteen years ago Bowser had been unsuccessful in trying to enlist Wizenheimer in the Koopa Troop.

"It's so nice to see you, Kamek. I've heard so much about you, so I thought I'd be a good guy and let you face me before I made you my obedient sidekick."

"Hey!" Kamek frowned. "I'm already someone else's obedient sidekick!" He tried to stand on his legs, only to find that they wouldn't carry his weight. He fell right back down.

"What did you do to me?" Kamek groaned as he struggled to sit upright.

"It's sad, you know. Being reduced to stealing things. But I can't deny the results."

Wisenheimer held up an Erlenmeyer flask.

"What's that?" Kamek asked sarcastically. "Purity control?"

"Compound C-XX. Better known as Limerence. I tainted all the food and water in the castle. You really shouldn't drink tea right before bedtime."

Kamek reached into his shell and took out his wand, using his magic to levitate. "You're going to pay for all this, Wizenheimer!" He shot a powerful blast at the other Magikoopa, who didn't even bother to duck as the ray of light hit him. It didn't even singe his eyebrows. Kamek however, was violently flung into a stone column. He could feel two ribs cracking, and tasted blood.

"Why… How…?" Kamek crouched over in pain, and landed on his knees. Wizenheimer then retrieved something out of his own shell. It was something Kamek never thought he'd have to see again.

"Oog Tar," he wheezed in terror and awe.

"Oog Tar," Wizenheimer repeated. "This thing has made me its new master. You put your blood and sweat into it, yet it has no allegiance to you. Don't you understand, Kamek? I am you. Kill me, and kill only yourself. And even in death…" The sickening green glow of the Oog Tar made Wizenheimer's glasses sparkle menacingly.

"…My powers continue."

The last thing Kamek heard before his world turned black once more, was Wizenheimer's evil, booming laughter.


	4. The Cave of Kurosetta

Panacea rode her own Roc while the rest of them had to share Radar. Mario had the Medikoopa would take them to a dark, desolate planet and was therefore puzzled to find their destination being the Mushroom Planet.

"I thought we were going to the Hereafter," Peach said as she steered the eager Radar through some clouds.

"We can't unless we die ourselves. We're going to Subcon; that's where all spirits wait."

"For how long?" Mario asked.

"Seven days, then they move beyond the reach of the living." Panacea waved her caduceus, and the rest of the smiling clouds separated; revealing Subcon's beautiful scenery. They were not setting course for the palm trees or grassy plains Mario, Toad, Luigi and Peach had once helped saving; but a darker, danker-looking bayou.

They landed on a relatively dry patch where they tied the two eagle birds to a dead tree. Panacea sniffed the air with her sensitive Koopa nose.

"Welcome to the Subcon Everglades," she said, speaking in a low tone. "Watch your step, now. A single spill and you might find yourself sinking towards the world's core."

"You Medikoopas are so endangered you must have forgotten how to smile," Toad said dryly.

"It's not a joke, little mushroom man," Panacea lifted her skirt before climbing over a big rotten tree stump. "I'm only helping you because I believe that existence as we know it is vulnerable at the moment, if not already at stake."

Murky water seeped in through Peach's dress and she felt all the hairs on her body standing up. She shivered. "Where do we go from here, Panacea?"

The Medikoopa pointed north. "The cave of Kurosetta is that way."

"Who or what is Kurosetta?" Daisy asked.

And that's where things immediately became scarier.

"Kurosetta is the guardian of the waiting dead. If Luigi hasn't moved on already, she can direct us to him. If he's not here, she'll kill us. Melt our faces clean off." Panacea said as if simply adding an afterthought to a finger painting. "Do you have something that belonged to your brother, Mario?"

The plumber took out Luigi's hat from his own hat. "You think this will do?" He still had a hard time believing that his brother's soul was waiting for them inside any cave.

Panacea took the hat, and swept her bespectacled eyes over the group. "I think it'll be better if Daisy goes in first."

Daisy had been pondering over the memories of her and Luigi's adventures in the Land of Confusion. The more and more she thought of it, the more she was convinced it had been real. She remembered when Ludwig and Wendy had been conquered; she had been flung out of Iggy's Dream Theater and awakened in a corn field outside of Toad Town. Daisy took the hat, as well as a deep breath.

"I'll do it."

"Good." Panacea pulled side a wall of old branches from what looked like a giant fox's den. It wasn't "giant" enough to walk in upright in; Daisy had to hunch over. It was muddy, and pitch-black.

Panacea signaled that the rest followed behind the desert princess. "Remember, Daisy; the souls that live here are very devoted to Kurosetta. She will appear in the middle of the cave, but her essence streams from all sides. Once she appears, we can't escape."

Mario could see Kurosetta for his inner eye. She was probably heinous, with big teeth; bigger than Bowser's; and more evil… But he was willing to do anything and everything to get Luigi back. The dead could feel it, therefore they let him pass without harassing him.

Daisy, still in front, suddenly stopped and buried her face in her hands. The cave was now immense; so was the stench of rotten flesh breathing down her neck. Her stomach turned.

"Oh, my goodness; what is that?" She leant against a slimy stalagmite and heaved.

"We're in the cave of the dead, Princess," Panacea said reticently. "Did you think it would smell like loganberries?"

A gust of wind whispered between the speleothems. Mario frowned; it _was_ as if it was a whisper. Toad hid behind Peach, and Panacea drew her caduceus. "This is it," she whispered.

Several different voices where whispering in the seemingly empty, dark cave. Peach felt goose bumps again, but it had nothing to do with her cold, soggy clothes. She stepped backwards.

"No, don't!" the Medikoopa waved her hand. "Stand still, or else we're _all_ doomed!"

Beams of ghostly, veily light descended from the cave's ceiling and gathered in front of them like a will-o-the-wisp. It grew in size, taking on a diamond form at first. Mario noticed several shrouded, dark creatures behind it as they were occasionally illuminated by protuberances of white fire from the rhombus. In the middle of the shape, where the light was at its brightest, Mario could see long tendrils of white hair waving in the gusts of wind.

The creature revealed itself like a butterfly from its cocoon; floating above ground. Mario thought to himself that "Kurosetta" was a strange choice of name for it, as it was completely white. Everything from its long, tattered dress to its skin, limbs and naked feet where fashioned from white light. But it had a creepy glare; unlike the stars and the moon.

"She's beautiful," Toad muttered.

"Shhh!" Peach snarled.

Kurosetta lifted her head so that her face was fully visible. However, her eyes were shut.

Daisy took two trembling steps forwards; holding out Luigi's hat. "Kurosetta; guardian of the waiting dead. I bring you this gift; a dear keepsake from a loved one of mine that I lost. And… And I ask if you could… let him rejoin his friends in life rather than death."

Kurosetta's face was still as if chiseled out of marble. She then opened her eyes slowly, and Daisy was relieved; thinking that the creature had accepted the gift. However, it caught the princess's eye, and her face changed. It was awful.

Kurosetta flashed all of her knife-sharp, bloodstained teeth. They stretched way beyond her lower jaw, and a gill-like gash in her neck revealed three additional rows of these killing tools. Long vines of fetid, half-coagulated blood stretched from her palate to her sore-infested gums, and she roared. Mario had fought some of the most dreadful creatures in the universe, but none like this.

Panacea stood perfectly still for one second. Then she said, still in her unmoved tone:

"Run."

And that's what they did, with Kurosetta and all of her subjects in close pursuit. Luckily the sun had peeked out from behind the heavy clouds and when the group entered the narrow part of the entrance, the spirits were forced back to the shadows. The living ones all squeezed out of the den at the same time, landing right into a puddle of smelly mud.

"What the hell was that?" Mario stood up, brushing weeds and mud off his overalls.

"I knew we should have brought his plunger instead," Toad said and coughed.

"Oh, shut up, Toad." Panacea was annoyed. She was wet, cold, hungry, needed the little Medikoopa's room, and now on top of all this she was dirty as well.

"Sorry. Just a thought."

"No, Toad." Panacea sighed. "I've been here times when I've felt that my patients died unjustly. I've never seen Kurosetta so angry. It's obvious that someone has been here before and taken what we came for. And not long ago."

"What are you talking about?" Mario asked.

"Plumber, I don't think your brother's soul is in that cave." She then turned to Princess Peach. "You said Wizenheimer is in prison?"

Peach nodded. "I threw the key away myself."

"I think we'd all better go back to Peach's castle, to see if everything's in order." Panacea whistled, and both Radar and her own Roc came to pick them up.

* * *

Kammy was beyond livid as she glued the last pieces of the shattered staff of Eudicot. She had been torn out of her sleep to find that Kastle Koopa had been seized, and now the usurper ordered her around. He was on Cloud Nine as he paced around below on the floor of Ludwig von Koopa's old laboratory.

"Are you done yet?" Wizenheimer asked, and lined up right behind her. He did this every three minutes to rattle Kammy's cage. She sighed and lowered her shoulders.

"I'm not doing this." She slammed the ancient artifact into the workshop table.

"Yes, you are." The large Magikoopa literally breathed down her neck, and she could feel his body heat through her nightgown; that's how close he was standing. She got an idea, and reached for a flask of hydrofluoric acid on the bench.

"No, I'm not. You can't force me. This is King Bowser's castle. Only he has power here."

"Not anymore. And this is why..." He gingerly brushed her hair away from her ear with one claw, while the other rested a Harpy between her breasts. Kammy gasped, but Wizenheimer kept taunting her. "None of us are spring chickens. Finer details have long since started to fade. You of everyone should know what _that_ feels like. Worse yet…"

He leant his snout on her bare shoulder. His breath was like ice.

"Imagine if Kamek ever found out who really sold him out to King Koopa all those centuries ago. It would destroy him…"

Wizenheimer paused to savor Kammy's silent, guilt-ridden tears. It was so lovely being able to be mean and nasty after all those years as a powerless hermit, cowering away in the dark forest.

"Do you know why he can't imagine you being able to do such a thing?"

He was actually embracing Kammy at that point, and she was trembling with fear and disgust.

"Because he loves you, Kammy."

Kammy felt her arms going numb, and she dropped the jar. It smashed against the floor tiles. The acid had been so improperly stored it vaporized before it could do any damage.

Kamek was sleeping soundly on an experimentation slab with Kammy's bathrobe as a comforter.

"Please do the honors." Wizenheimer held out a sealed test tube filled with a pink, sparkly fume.

"No!" Kammy twitched in anger and despair.

"It's too late to be a martyr, Kammy. Do it."

Kammy took the tube and lined it above Kamek's nostrils.

"Please forgive me," She whispered, and snapped the fragile tube in half. The glittering smoke gathered around Kamek's snout, before entering his nostrils like water down a drain.

"Thank you." Out of nowhere, Wizenheimer grabbed her from behind, pressing the blade against her stomach.

"No!" Kammy gasped. "You said if I helped you, you _wouldn't_ do that!"

Wizenheimer dragged her towards an empty slab. You know something? There's only one thing my magic could never explain to me."

Kammy fell over the slab, and the rabid Koopa Wizard slit her silk dress from top to bottom. The sparkling blade reflected her eyes as it was held over her face.

"The real difference between male Koopas, such as I…" Wizenheimer placed the horrendous-looking piece of metal below her abdomen. "And lady Koopas. Like you!"

The weapon would slice her open as if she was soft butter. She cringed.

But in the nick of time, as if sent by some divine force, someone barged in the laboratory door. It was Bowser Jr., and he was not happy.

"Kamek! I'm thirsty! I want Cherry Crush!"

"Your Highness, get out of here!" Kammy shouted, but it was too late. Wizenheimer's henchmen, a gang of Boos, seized the young prince.

"My, oh, my," Wizenheimer's deep voice tore through Junior's enraged screams. "What a handsome one you are."

Jr.'s dark eyes swept over Wizenheimer. "You're not Kamek; you're too fat!"

Kammy closed her eyes. When was Bowser ever going to learn his offspring not to berate the enemy?

But Wizenheimer was amused rather than angry. "The universe must be smiling." He chuckled. "Boo Squad! Present the prisoners! _All_ of the prisoners…"

A switch was lowered, opening hatches in the floor. Up from each hatch a slab rose, and to it, a prisoner was tied.

Mario, Peach, Daisy, Toad and Panacea had rushed back to the Mushroom Castle, where a trap had been set for them. Mario had counted on it; hoped for it even, as maybe Wizenheimer had Luigi's soul. But they weren't the only ones in Iggy Koopa's immense laboratory. It seemed as the evil Magikoopa had kidnapped every citizen of the four corners of the Mushroom World.

Speaking of the devil; Wizenheimer leant over Panacea. "My, my, _my_; what a beauty. And a useful beauty at that. Welcome, sweetie-pie, to Anhedonia!"

Panacea's snout puckered in hatred. "You're the stock I breed second-rate leeches with," she snarled. Among Medikoopas that was the most disgusting profanity in existence. Wizenheimer knew this.

"Ooh." The Magikoopa taunted. He took off his normal blue robe to reveal a long _salmon_ nightgown in pink Italian silk.

"Now, all of you sleep tight. You'll wake up soon to find the world as you know it to be slightly changed. It will grow on you, trust me."

Mario was surprised to see that Wizenheimer was joining them in this little nap. Although he wasn't sleeping on any slab, mind you; but Princess Peach's own bed. She scowled.

"Lights out!" Wizenheimer clapped his claws.

Jars of something dropped from the ceiling. At first, Mario thought they were bombs or Molotov cocktails, but then he saw the glittering gas and felt the smell.

"Limerence!" Someone shouted in fear. Wizenheimer was already sleeping soundly, like an evil, little child. Mario felt the narcotic substance entering his system, but decided to spend the last of his energy turning his head towards Peach.

"We walked right into this trap." He muttered. She blinked slowly as if nodding.

"I know. But it was a trap we _had_ to walk into."

**End of part 1**

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**From the next chapter on, things will get gorier and darker, just a heads-up. ^^  
**


	5. A Dark and Stormy Night

**This is Kamek's part of the story. The following takes place here: Murder, torture, kidnapping, coercion and the uninvited consumption of other people's parsley. Be ye warned.**

**A very special, warm and adoring thanks to StoryMaster64. Without her patience, help and great ideas, this story would never have happened. She helped me make the characters and the story into so much more than what I had originally. She did a great job helping me with Kamek's dialogue. So thank you very much, dear. If only everyone online (and more so in the Real World) kicked as much a- as you 3  
**

* * *

The thunderclaps made Kastle Koopa's windows rattle. It had rained for weeks now, and everyone in the castle were getting cabin fever from not being able to train or do their daily tasks.

It was just after midnight when the Koopa Troopa managed to sneak past Hammer Bros guarding the entrance to this part of the castle, for this was the ladies' floor. There were quarters for the lady Goombas, and one for female Troopas. Wendy O. Koopa, Bowser's only daughter's chamber was situated here, too. Pom Pom had her own suite, while the person he was trying to get to had an apartment all to herself; a gift from King Bowser.

The Troopa was almost at Lady Kammy's door when he tripped over something. It was a tiny Toady, who had indulged in a catnap on duty.

"Watch out, you boob!" She said indignantly. "Hey, you're not a girl! What are you doing here?"

The Koopa Troopa brushed off his knees. "I'm here to deliver a message."

"To whom? Don't you know this is Lady Kammy's part of the castle?"

"Of course I do; she's the one my master is trying to reach!"

His eyes widened. "You didn't hear that! You're not one of _Kamek's_ Toadies, are you?"

Toadie shakes her head. "No, I watch over the First Lady of the Magikoopas. She has a stressful job and needs her rest." She frowns. "And why are you acting so nervous?"

The Troopa stopped breathing for a second. "I'm not nervous!"

He chuckled. "No, no; I just, uh, have a very important message to deliver. So let me _through_!"

"Didn't you hear me? Lady Kammy went sleepybye in her bed. So you can both give me the message and walk out of here, or I'll call Boom Boom and he'll throw you in the dungeon."

It was obvious from how the annoying little creature talked and acted that she wasn't exactly a rocket scientist. The Troopa decided to try a different approach.

"Now, sweetie pie," he said smarmily. "I have a very important message from King Bowser here. He said I can only trust high-end officers with this stuff." He rested her chin on his index claw. "So you have to let me through. OK, honey-bell?"

Toadie smiled; she wanted to be called more nice things.

"'_High-end_?' But you're not a brand of toaster bagels! Very well. But you're a boy, and boys can't be in the girls' dorm. I'll get Lady Kammy for you, but only if you say pretty please."

"OK, then, sweetheart. Pretty please; pretty please- sweet-apple-crumble-with-hot-fudge-and-whipped-cream-on-top."

Toadie opened the door to Kammy's bedroom. While Toadie herself shared a bunk with another Toady who snored and was not very nice, Kammy slept in a four poster with purple drapes in a large luxury suite. Toadie nudged her boss in the shoulder to rouse her.

"Lady Kammy? Lady Kammy? Please to wake up now."

Kammy groaned and threw a pillow at Toadie. "You've got three seconds to get out before I kill you."

The underling dodged the throw. "Madam? There is someone here to see you."

"Who?" Kammy sat up, and reached for her glasses.

"He didn't say. But oh, he's a dapper Koopa Troopa with nice shiny new boots."

Toadies are closely related to Magikoopas by blood, as they happen as the result between a Koopa Troopa and a Magikoopa. Medikoopas lay Toady-eggs from time to time, and it is believed that this is their genesis as Medikoopas more closely resemble Toadies than any other Koopa species. In the Old Language the name for Toady was "Changeling", and they were much undesired. Toadies can fly, thanks to the propellers on top of their heads, but they have absolutely no magic powers of any kind and often they are unintelligent, hard learners who are most of the time used to do the dirty work. In spite of their rareness, they are lower-ranking in the Koopa Troop than Goombas and therefore, not even entitled to shoes; which is what they all covet. So when a female Toady is approached by a suitor, she always checks if he has shoes.

"And, um, he said he has a very important note from King Koopa. I'll fetch you your robe."

The time was 11pm, so Toadie didn't blame Kammy for being grouchy as she snatched the housecoat out of her hands.

"Did he even say what the note was about?" Kammy used her wand as a torch as she wandered down the hall to the staircase where the Troopa had been sent to wait.

"No, just that King Bowser needed to see you at once. He would take you there. Hmm… Maybe one of the Koopalings lost the Doomship keys again."

"I doubt it." Kammy kicked open the door to the foyer, where the Troopa was waiting.

His snout widened in a creepy grin. "Finally; the _chosen one_ and her idiot minion. Huh… You're _heavier_ than my master said you would be."

"How dare you-" Kammy started, but was interrupted when a thunderclap hits the palace's wall; rattling it and short-circuited the lamps, which were electric in this part of Kastle Koopa. When Toadie's eyes adjusted to the darkness, she found both the Troopa and Lady Kammy to be missing. He took her!

"Oh, dear!" She flies around in circles an inch above the carpeted floor. "Oh dear oh dear ohdeadohdearohdear; nooo!"

The only thing that made sense when she tried to think of what to do next was rather unpleasant.

"Oh, I can't tell Kamek! He'll make ladyfingers of my claws and dunk them in his tea for sure!"

Having no other choice, she set course for the west tower; Kamek's library.

Kamek was very unlike Kammy; in fact, they were polarized like magnets. Kammy believed that her face was her paycheck and loved her life of wealth and opulence. She was too vain to wear the blue robes and wire-framed glasses of the Magikoopa crew; she always insisted on wearing pink and purple. Kamek's quarters were considerably more Spartan. He lived in his library. There was a nice fireplace and enough things to sit on, as well as a desk and shelving of different kinds. The thing about Kamek's library was that there were always more books than shelves, so literature was always stacked on the floor.

Kamek's bed was embedded in the wall, high above the floor for safety. Toadie sat down on the edge, but didn't dare to nudge him.

"Master Kamek. Sir. There's been an emergency."

Unlike Kammy, Kamek sat right up. He looked at her; and it was never pleasant to be stared at by Kamek, who most likely had the ability to see everything moving in one's mind.

"Yes? How may I help you?"

"Master Kamek," Kammy stuttered, "Someone stole Kammy! And she's only wearing her nightgown, sir; what if she catches a cold?"

Kamek threw off the covers and jumped down on the floor. He wore a padded robe in salmon satin over his grey nightshirt, and Toadie almost raised her eyebrow at it.

The Magikoopa changed his outfit with a wave of his wand. "Someone finagled their way into the women's quarters and you worry about Kammy catching a cold? Are you too asinine to realize that this is a matter of national security?"

Toadie stutters again. "I… I didn't know Kammy was privately such a light dresser, sir."

Kamek blinked slowly. "I should ask your father if he ever saw your mother carrying you by the foot as an infant. Because if you were, you might have a defense when put on death row for endangering the kingdom!"

Toadie tried not to show how scared she was. Although Kamek was intimidating.

"But Sir, don't you think that if he wanted to kill Kammy he would simply put poison on her evening meal or something, instead of going through all this trouble?"

Kamek grudgingly accepted this. "Come. Show me the place you last saw her. Maybe even you can redeem yourself."

Toadie tried to keep up with Kamek, although he was very fast. They reached the foot of the stairs to Bowser's penthouse, where Kammy's robe lay on the floor, abandoned.

"Look," Toadie said and points. "That's hers. That probably means that she will catch a cold now."

She looked at Kamek. "Please, sir," she said, guilt-ridden and scared. "Please don't chop my head off until you find Kammy. I promise to help you, but only if you don't hurt me."

Kamek scoffed. "I'm not gonna get my nails dirty beheading you."

He concentrated, using all of his inherent powers to locate where strange magic had been used. He sat down on the carpet and mumbled a spell in the Old Language.

"The magic is faded, but it comes from a source situated in the North." He snapped his fingers, making his broom appear.

"I hope you're a good flyer, because you're coming with me."


	6. Can't They See it is a Land of Confusion

Toadie flitted after into the night. Oh, she hated flying in the rain. She knew Kamek did too, and he had delayed more important missions for the weather to clear up. She used all the energy in her tiny body trying to fly right next to him. She couldn't think of anyone wanting to spite Kamek by taking his colleague, because he is so awesome. She worked up the courage.

"Master Kamek, sir?" She hesitated when he turned his broom around to look at her. "I'm… I'm scared."

Kamek couldn't exactly be accused of coddling his underlings, but it was against protocol to put them in harm's way. He looked at her. She was cold and wet, and every flash of lightning made her jump and make odd little yelps. He slowed down and let her catch up with him before speaking to her.

"You may ride with me, if you wish to," he said and directed her to the lower part of the broom. She smiled happily and sat down with her legs to one side, just as one would ride side saddle.

"Thank you Sir." She had never sat on a broom before.

After a while Kamek slowed down. "The magic stops here," he said and looked down. "It wasn't powerful enough to have come from a single source; I believe the abductor is drawing it from another, more temporary source. I can still feel it in the North; it has to be the Rugged Mountain."

Toadie shook her head. "No, I don't think so, sir. The Rugged Mountain is home to mostly Goombas and Bob-Ombs. But its shadow is the Land of Confusion."

"Land of Confusion?" Kamek had never heard of that place.

"We Toadies call it that because we never really got the hang of '_the part of Forever Forest that borders the outskirts of Sarasaland_'. A lot of mean nasty baddies live in the Land of Confusion, sir. I've been there."

Kamek sat and pondered for a while. "Forest… Woodland…_ Oh, please, keep her safe from that monster_…"

"What monster?" Toadie was curious.

"You didn't hear that," Kamek said a little too quickly. "And when were you in the Forever Forest?"

Toadie flitted off the broom. "Don't you remember? You sent me there to find those ingredients for your tea." She looked uneasy, most likely she was embarrassed. "And I brought home garlic instead of cinnamon bark, and you sentenced me to the stockade for a month."

Kamek didn't feel an ounce of guilt over this; after all, as a pureblood Magikoopa he was entitled to mistreat and persecute half-breeds. Toadie didn't know any better. Throughout her short life she had been taught that everything Master Kamek did was for her own good. And her incompetence was almost universally known in Bowser's army. She had been passed around like a lousy card between every Koopa Troop officer from birth. Rumor was that she hadn't hatched from her egg; just thrashed around inside it until it fell on the floor.

An hour later the rain had seized completely, although the night sky was only peeking out through holes in the dark clouds. Forever Forest, or the Land of Confusion, stretched on as long as Kamek's bespectacled eyes could reach. There was more to it than just trees; it was like a universe with worlds within worlds. So many walked into it searching for fame and fortune, and those who were stupid enough to leave the safety of the paths were never seen alive again. Kamek treated himself to some memories of him and Kammy racing their brooms over the tree tops once, when they were young, warm-blooded and…

"I'll make it up to you," Toadie said with a big smile; showing off her buck tooth. "I can go and scout for the monster I didn't hear about." She jumped off the broom again and started her propeller."

"Hmm; that's actually a good idea. You can survey the ground for a place I can land safely, if you wish."

Toadie happily set course for the ground, but Kamek grabbed her by the sleeve, causing her to flip backwards in the air with her feet up.

"Just a minute. You'll be flying over and not outside of the trails. If I have to search for you as well as Lady Kammy, I'll make you babysit Solo Toadies for a year. Do you understand?"

She frowned. She hated babysitting Solo Toadies. They are baby Toadies whose propellers are undeveloped, so they always bang into things when trying to fly. And they are always hungry and only want oatmeal and formula. The rare occasions where they don't eat, sleep, soil their diapers or scream they want to play; as loud and messily as possible.

"OK, sir."

The rain of the early summer had been very good for the trees. They had grown their densest foliage in centuries, so in order to see anything, Toadie had to land on the ground.

"It's so dark," she said, and as if it would illuminate the forest, she wiped her glasses. A Pixl was flying over a cluster of colorful toadstools, and a cute raccoon was nibbling on some berries he had found. She immediately lightened up; wanting to ask the raccoon if it would be her friend. But she shook it off and studied the ground industriously, trying to be the professional henchwoman Kamek would want her to be.

Five minutes later she got lost in her own naïve little day dreams. She couldn't stop thinking about the dapper Koopa Troopa, and his pretty boots. She smiled and thought to herself that if she ever won the lottery, she would buy the _awesomest_ shoes in the whole galaxy. Velvet; or maybe red patent leather, with a strap across the foot with silver buckles.

She found a pretty flower, put it on her head, and danced around in the air; singing.

"_I'm a little Luma, watch me dance, la la la, wee, wee, wee…"_

Something caught her eye, and she flew over to check it out. It was a long strand of silvery hair. She picked it up and looked at it. It had the same color as Lady Kammy's hair.

"Well, well, well; what do we have here?" Kamek folded his arms over his chest when Toadie returned. She had been gone for almost two hours.

"Well, sir…" Toadie didn't know how to stall the presentation of her find, but had to think of a way fast. Kamek had that face he got when he was either at the end of his patience-rope, or had too much coffee.

"I know; you were singing the Luma song again, weren't you? I must have been crazy to have brought you along! I might as well have poured treacle into my watch and asked a Dry Bones if he wanted to join in on a breathing contest!"

"Sir," Toadie said, and her eyes were swimming, but it was not from the insults; that she could handle. "I found this in the forest. It hung from a pine branch."

Kamek carefully took the lock of hair and looked at them. Wavy, grey, extra inflammable from volume-creating chemicals; without doubt it belonged to Kammy. He dropped one of the hairs onto the gem on his wand. For a few seconds, the ruby turned black.

"Show me where you found this," Kamek said to her, and his tone was difficult to read.

They landed on the trail below.

"What's happening, Kamek-sir? What happened to Lady Kammy?" It's the billionth time Toadie nags him. But Kamek doesn't know how to put it simply.

"The Trooper who kidnapped Kammy isn't the mastermind; just a middle man. Troopas are more easily bribed into committing heinous crimes with a Coin or two than luring a Toad girl into a house with candy."

"But who did it? Please tell me you as a magician got something up your sleeve. Creepy magicians always have things in their sleeve!" Toadie added hysterically and tugged at the sleeve in question.

"Miss, restrain yourself." Kamek pushed her away. "Now, show me where you found the hair."

Toadie thought back. "OK, that's where I saw the pretty flower. And the colorful mushrooms and the Pixl… And over there is that berry bush the raccoon I saw go onesies on."

Kamek stared at her in disbelief. "What the hell is 'onesies'?"

Half a second after his eye fell on an old dart sticking out of a tree that had a piece of garment stuck to it. It wasn't Kammy's; it had been there for at least two weeks. Kamek sniffed it.

"Venom. Keep close to me."

"What's going on?" Toadie's heart was beating like a little drum.

"We're not alone in this forest."

"What? Don't blow me off with your creepy clichés! Who is following us!"

Once again, Toadie found it necessary to tug at Kamek's sleeve.

"Toadie, unless you want a dart like that in your temple, be _quiet_! We need to find Kammy alive!"

"But I'm scared! I want my mommy and Mr. Toast!" Mr. Toast was her soft rag doll. General McGoomba had made fun of her for still carrying it in her shell on a march.

Following Koopa Troop procedure, she flew in front of Kamek as a Koopa shield.

Toadie was never angry or resentful for too long at a time, and she wasn't intelligent enough to hold grudges or play petty mind games. But she did hit home every once in a while, and after watching Kamek's preoccupied, worried face for thirty minutes, she although meaning well, blurted out with this unforgivable indecency.

"You love her, don't you?"

Kamek was taken aback by this. Toadie, who once got lost in a bathroom stall, could see through him like that?

"Where do you get the nerve asking me a question like that, you insolent little wiseacre?" He wanted to say. Instead, he stopped and said, very discreetly:

"Yes, I do."

Kamek had known Kammy all his life. They played together as children, and when they became teens, started dating. Kamek remembered how every time she touched him with those soft, warm claws, his knees would tremble, his voice would go all squeaky and weird, and his palms became all clammy. Every Friday he took Kammy on a trip to the forest, or to see a play, or make her dinner. And afterwards, when they were sure nobody was watching, they kissed a little. Soon they kissed each other a lot. But Kamek didn't want to "go all the way"; although she said she was ready. He wanted to wait until they were married, as he was planning to propose to her on her 17th birthday. That way they would have a whole year to plan their wedding and build a house for themselves and the eggs he planned on giving her.

But right after he popped the question, Kammy broke his heart into two billion hurt-y pieces and moved, a week later, out of the Mushroom Kingdom. Kamek never got an explanation, although he begged her to stay; insisting that the reason he didn't want to sleep with her yet had nothing to do with "the dimension of his magic wand", as he put it. That happened over twelve centuries ago, but Kamek remembered every gram of the pain as if it had happened the day before, and how it had hurt so much he wondered why nature had constructed people to be capable of feeling something so horrible. He married a very nice Koopa Troopa girl six months later, and they had a nice life together, until Kamek was torn away from her by Bowser's great grandfather and forced to join the Koopa Militia, today known as the Koopa Troop.

Strange thing, though, Kammy and Kamek managed to stay friends when they met again half a millennium later. The hardships Kamek had been through in his life, and the burdens he was forced to shoulder, had been enough to wipe out the memories of his early life. These memories had returned, little by little, when Bowser's eighth son, Bowser Junior, was born. Some still eluded him… But Kammy still refused to give him answers.

"It's alright, Sir," Toadie said. "I won't tell. And loving someone is so good for you. It keeps your shell and teeth strong and healthy."

Kamek snorted bitterly. "Strong and healthy? Little Toady, love is a trap, designed only to keep you in line."

"Then what _keeps_ you in Kammy's _line_, sir?"

Toadie had never been on the wrong end of a breakup before. She, a naïve, fun-loving Toady girl who always went out of her way to be pleasant and submissive, was very popular among the male Toadies for some reason. Kamek was a completely different matter.

He grabbed her wrist and held her against his face. "Let me rephrase that. Love is a trap… when it's unrequited."

He then brushed past her, leaving her behind in the darkness. "Oh!" She called after him. "Please don't leave me, sir; I didn't mean to be rude! Come back! Come back…"

Kamek was too fast for her to keep up with, but after taking his anger out on the path for a while, he turned around. But in the very same moment, there was a flash of light, and an earsplitting scream.

"Toadie? Toadie!" Kamek looked around, but she was gone, and the woods were dead silent. Then, he felt a burning pain in his neck and fell over. All the colors of the forest dissolved into ripples, and then, nothing but darkness.


	7. Let Them Eat Kamek

The wizard's abductors stayed on the path while carrying him amongst themselves. When they entered their headquarters, they lay him down on a table.

Kamek was awake now, and felt the roughness of their hands. They were Koopa Kids, but he couldn't remember having seen them in the Troop before. They were also juveniles, which meant that he was in a lot of trouble. Koopa Kids, or Baby Bowsers, are always hungry. They are never enraged at the sight of intruders, as this means feeding time. In fact, to them, "intruder" is just another word for "tasty".

The blue one tore the sleeve of Kamek's robe and actually pinched his upper arm, where it was soft.

"Hmm; I say we fatten him up for a month or so. That'll make his arms extra tender."

The yellow one nodded her ugly head in perverse agreement. "We should feed him corn and apples. That way he'll have a nice, juicy liver in no time." The water in her mouth was an absolutely horrendous sight to Kamek, who had never imagined a fate like this.

"No, I say we eat him now; I'll rub this part here in honey and garlic." The pink one patted Kamek's chest, as her favorite was short ribs. "Don't you food-bags know that the juiciest protein sits here?"

"Don't care," the red one said to the green one. "I call dibs on the tenderloin."

They had a long discussion on how to serve Kamek and decided that since their tastes were so different, all they had to do was to force-feed Kamek for six weeks, then splitting their individual favorite parts of him up between them. In the end he wondered how he would look like; all cleaved and hanging from meat hooks. He had once read his sister's diary, and she had then threatened to make Kamek-burger out of him. For one reason or another, this memory wasn't as funny anymore.

The door to the kitchen was opened, and someone, a Royal Koopa girl, came in with a basket of lettuce from her garden.

"What's going on?" She had a gruffer voice than a Sledge Bro, and an attitude that indicated that she did not approve of nonsense.

She then saw Kamek on the butcher's table. He blinked slowly; his only way of screaming for help.

"Idiots!" She somehow managed to smack them all at the same time, with such force they fell over. "I've told you a thousand times that all captives are to be taken to the Great Fire for a fair trial."

The young woman had peach hair, an anchor tattoo and enough strength in her arms to carry Kamek without really noticing his weight. She took him across a spacious town square and sat down on her knees before placing him on the sand next to an unlit bonfire. But she did not talk to him, just lowered her head in respect for the figure before them. Kamek looked up, and wondered if the poison dart is still making him see things. The person standing above him is none other than –

"Roy Koopa." Kamek muttered. "Young sir, what is-"

Roy grabbed his spear and pointed it at Kamek's neck. "How did you find me here? Speak, or I'll serve you to the Koopa Kids!"

Kamek was too exhausted to move, but he had regained some control of his tongue. "Let them eat me," he wheezed. "I'm lost and I can't go home." He thought of Kammy; his best friend, and poor little Toadie, who had trusted him throughout her short life to keep her safe.

He turned around on his stomach to puke into the sand. The poison was leaving his system, and like any anesthetic drug its side effects was extreme nausea.

"What did you do to me?" Kamek rolled over again, resting a claw on his stomach.

"Buzzy Beetle venom," Roy said. "It doesn't kill you, but it doesn't exactly make you stronger either."

He helped Kamek to his feet, only to find that the wizard couldn't stand or walk on his own. Roy shook his head. He carefully took his former caretaker's arm and led him, nice and slow, to the sitting circle around the fire.

"Master Roy," Kamek said and inspected Roy's claws. "Where are your iron cuffs?"

Iron cuffs are in Koopa culture the highest symbols of status, even more so than a crown could ever be, and therefore, only issued to the royals. Koopa Kids wear them sometimes, but they are always in glass or acryl, and in the same colors as their shells.

"Oh; they were cut off ages ago when I first befriended the ruler of this village. I was brought to my knees before him, and he ordered them removed."

It would be an understatement to say that Kamek was surprised, as he was deeply shocked that Roy had abandoned his father's house. That's what the removal of the cuffs meant. It was taboo for a member of the Royal family to even consider a life without them.

"Where is this leader?" Kamek asked, as if it he had a bone to pick with him.

"You're looking at him," Roy replied; crossing his massive, burly arms over his broad chest. "King Kroop died last winter, but he had it in his will that I take over the throne. I was a surprised as anyone to find that one out; I just came here to hang out with Lynnie."

Lynnie had been Roy's sweetheart for most of his life. Kamek had no idea she was from here, as he had only ever seen her in Kastle Koopa. She occasionally came there on Sundays and she and Roy would take off to eat lunch by the foot of the southern volcano.

"And here she is now." Roy waved to her. She nodded, but didn't smile; she was even more of a proud man than Roy was.

Roy's tribe was called The Forevers; one of, if not the last Koopa tribe of the Mushroom World that observed and venerated the teachings of Rosalina, who they called Star Breeze. There was only one other clan in the Land of Confusion who used that name; the Tanookians. Both the Forevers and the Tanookians were near extinction as a result of several evil figures of power attempts of ethnic cleansing and seizing the Land of Confusion, as it is rich in magic resources. Bowser had tried once, too, that's why Kamek was surprised to find that Roy was so zealous about conserving the Forevers' culture.

Lynnie and the other girls of the tribe were in charge of making supper. They had roasted an entire farm, it seemed, and set up a buffet where everybody helped themselves before sitting down around the fire. Kamek noticed how Roy had his seat placed on level with all the others. He did sit on a large velvet cushion rather than a rock or a tree stump that constituted the others' seats, but still, on the ground with them.

Kamek, being the guest, was served first by Lynnie, who did every domestic task for Roy. First she opened a little pillbox she kept in her shell, which had a glittery blue, creamy substance in it. She made a circle on both of Kamek's hands in the substance, then she offered him to drink from a wooden bowl.

The Forevers believed that wine or other intoxicants allowed evil spirits to enter Koopa's bodies, that's why after consuming alcohol or being sedated with Buzzy Beetle venom they always went to the clan's first lady to have these spirits purged. One of her stately tasks was to cleanse the villagers by drawing bottomless pits for the demons to fall into in blue; a color that was sacred to them because of its association with Star Breeze and the sky. What she gave Kamek to drink was a simple potion enriched with different minerals; a perfect cure for hangovers.

"This will make the nausea go away. It's not half bad either." Roy signaled to Kamek that he drinks it, and he accepted the bowl.

"Thank you, Miss Lynnie." Kamek sipped the potion. He looked at how the others were talking energetically while eating. Lynnie sat with two very young Koopas and helped them cut up their food.

"Are those her siblings? I didn't know she had any."

Roy was hesitant. "These… are not her siblings. They're, uh, our children."

Kamek's jaw dropped, but Roy interrupted him before he could make any Quiver-full jokes.

"You know, until very recently I thought that people sent in their applications when they wanted to join the Koopa Troop. Four years ago I found out that I couldn't have been further from the truth if I had been dancing around naked in a church. Some assholes high up on the proverbial ladder go through birth records to find Koopa boys with high birth weights, and then tear the infants out of their parents' arms. I saw it with my own eyes. And I've seen King Dad order his minions to lit schools and libraries on fire in Peach's realm "to teach her a lesson". I didn't wanna be a part of that, Kamek."

Kamek had finished the potion, and put the bowl down next to him. "But young sire, please don't abandon your heritage simply to spite your father. In the end you'll have nothing else to show for it than bitterness. And bitterness is deadly, believe me. Your wife does not deserve that, nor do your children."

The group of young Koopa ladies were done eating, and now took out their boomerangs and dancing veils. They loved entertaining Chief Roy.

"Look at that. Now, that's freedom. Everyone of them is free to think and say, read and eat whatever they want and choose their friends as they see fit. There are no unfair taxes here, because everyone are hunters and gatherers, and when one family hasn't found enough, it doesn't matter because everyone shares everything. I have no interest in King Dad's kingdom; a barren wasteland filled with death and poverty. Nor Princess Peach's domain. It's a paradise, yes. As long as you dance to the princess's tune and keep a painting of her in your house to remind you that all you own you owe. I feel no bitterness, just pride that I've been chosen to keep alive the traditions of a truly free people."

Kamek almost took Roy's choice as a loss. "But won't you miss your other siblings? I know they will miss you."

The former Koopaling sighed. "Oh, yes. I'll miss Lemmy the most. But don't tell him I said that!"

No one could call Roy Koopa a rocket scientist, but he had plenty of common sense. He had also realized very early on in life that choices invariably have a terrible price to be paid in the end.

"It's late, Roy said to Kamek after they had talked for a long time. The wizard had told Roy everything he knew about Kammy's disappearance. "You should get a long, long rest."

Kamek worked his way up on his feet. "Oh, I can't stay, Roy. I have to find Kammy. She's in these woods; taken by something horrible. And I'm running out of time."

"Time?" Roy asked as if he had never heard that word before. "You have a sense of time? Let's not throw _that_ in anyone's face. You're in the Land of Confusion, Kamek. There's no such thing as time here, only sunrise and sunset. Do not leave the safety of the village. It carries the Grace of Rosalina, so no evil beings can enter here. But everything outside of it is Wizenheimer-land at night."

Roy raised his eyebrow mordantly. "I'm actually surprised you weren't snatched as well. Clearly your feelings for Kammy are making you act rather rashly. My, my; she cast her sweet spell on you."

Kamek bared his fangs. This was the second time in one night that someone had accused him of being more than a little fond of Kammy, and he was beginning to hope that it wasn't that obvious at home. Neither Kammy nor Kamek were as young as they used to be. But Kammy could still make his knees tremble as if he was still an awkward thirteen-year-old boy. Then, he froze.

"Sire, did you say "_Wizenheimer_-land?"

Roy nodded. "Yes. He's growing more and more powerful; I don't know how. Not powerful enough to take over the daytime forest as well, but enough to keep underground legions of Koopas and Boos in his service. That's why you can't go into the forest at night."

Guilt flashed across his face. "I've been unable to protect the women of this village. Lately, they've been coming to my wife, and me, and speak of an evil voice who talks to them in their sleep, trying to convince them to come to him. He's offering them something they won't say what is, but it's obviously too big a temptation to resist, as many of them go into the forest, and we never see them again."

Roy pointed to a giant Tanooki Leaf Tree. "That's why we all sleep together under that tree. Lynnie and her friends hung crystals from the branches to keep the voice out." He looked at Kamek, and he was desperate. "We are powerless against Wizenheimer, especially if he keeps taking what is more precious to us men than anything else."

In the meantime, the village women prepared the nests around the tree for their husbands and children. One of Lynnie's friends waved at Kamek and pointed at one she had prepared for him.

Being offered to sleep in a nest is offensive to some Koopas, but Kamek had to admit the soft dry moss cushioning him and covering him was comforting in a way even the finest velvet sheets just couldn't. The young lady covered him in a blanket quilted from different rags. Kamek thanked her, and before drifting into sleep, he thought about Kammy one last time.

He couldn't feel her the way he used to. He could "feel" the ones he cared about when they were close, and when they weren't. The essence of their existence always came back to him, like needles drawn to a magnet, so he could get the gist of their well-being at the moment. Kammy's was gone. Kamek just knew something terrible was going on. And he wished; wished that she had accepted the microscopic diamond ring he had offered her back then.

* * *

Kammy had been sitting alone in a cold, dark pit for hours. For every minute she sat there she started to feel weaker and weaker. "It must be chains," she thought to herself, "draining me of magic."

Occasionally she tried to call for help, but no one came. She passed the time by rubbing her face against the rocky wall to remove the blindfold. She had been through hell. The parts of her nightgown that weren't torn were stained with blood; cuts she had accumulated while trying to escape her captor. She also had a sprained ankle from stepping in a rabbit hole. Was it broken? She didn't know.

Finally, the blindfold fell off and she saw something as her eyes adjusted to the poor light. It was another Magikoopa, seated on a rock, staring at her without moving. Kammy felt a glimmer of hope.

"Kamek? Kamek!"

However, the character turned out to be someone quite different.


	8. Dressed to Die

**Enjoy this chapter. The good stuff starts here, if you're into that sort of thing.**

* * *

"That's _Wizenheimer_!" The character boomed. It was as if he somehow removed himself out of her eyeshot, that's how fast he appeared before her. Kammy cowered against the wall.

"Have you been here all this time, staring at me?"

The evil Koopa Wizard nodded. "Welcome to the dungeon of my haunted castle, Kammy, my dearest." He bared his fangs in some kind of a smile. They were nowhere near as handsome as Kamek's; they slanted inwards like those of a tarantula. He carried in his claw a dreadful-looking instrument, a curved blade which Kammy recognized from the Koopa Troop arsenals as a Harpy.

"I'll say you look rather dreadful. Then again, that's what you get from trying to run away from me. Nobody runs from Wizenheimer. If 'spick and span' hadn't been my motto, this room would be a testament to that."

Kammy felt her eyes tear up. Was the same fate awaiting her?

Wizenheimer scraped the tears off her face with the silver Harpy. "Now, now. That only means that you're safe here. You can come up with me to the bath. I have prepared a lovely warm bath for you, and I'll see what I can do about that injured foot."

The sorcerer's bathroom was more like a bath hall. It was opulent; definitely Kammy's taste as far as luxury was concerned. But every room with Wizenheimer with it was bleak.

"Just take your clothes off and step right into it." He turned around, giggling obscenely. "I won't peek!"

"Fine," she growled, and climbed up into Wizenheimer's roomy Victorian bathtub.

"How's the water?" He asked while conjuring more wood on the fireplace.

"It's nice." Kammy sank down under the water and scooched as far away from the wizard as he sat down next to the tub, leaning his elbow on the side. The foam wasn't high enough to cover her breasts, so she crossed her arms over them to protect them. "What do you want from me?"

Wizenheimer smiled again; my, he was ugly. He kept his eyes on Kammy's, reaching into the bathwater with one long, creepy move and placed his clawed hand on her thigh. He dragged it slowly down her leg, before seizing her foot, carefully lifting it up.

"I'm not here to claim the Koopa Troop, or Bowser's castle, or any of his fortune. Oh, no, I want something much more valuable."

He cured her sprained ankle by breathing on it. It felt better, but Kammy didn't want to be touched by him, so she tore the leg out of his grip and planted it under the water.

"You're welcome, dear. Now…" He rose from the tub's side and snapped his fingers, immediately making two tiny Koopa ladies appear.

"These are your maids. They'll take care of you. I'll come back soon; I know how you ladies like to wash your hair alone."

The servant girls were both dressed in grey, uniform-like dresses and one of them had a lavender sun hat. Kammy recognized her as Holly Koopa, the richest Koopa lady in the Mushroom World. Things fell into place for Kammy as she remembered about two years ago Holly's disappearance made headlines for months. Holly had taken the train to visit her mother, and never showed up. Everybody suspected foul play, but as none of her assets had been moved (Holly's purse was found on the train; with every dime and credit card in place) she had only been listed as a missing Koopa. But there she was. Being Wizenheimer's captive did not agree with her. She was dull and thin, and her scales were dry and flaky from lack of nutrition and sunlight. But her mood was light.

"Oh, Madame Kammy; I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for you!" She leapt up and down; making dangerous spills of hair soap in the process.

"Why? What's there to be so happy about?" Kammy leant backwards as Holly shampooed her hair.

"Well," Holly said, "Master Wizenheimer told me one night, that his long search for the perfect help meet was over. Oh, I have prepared sooo many girls and women for him, but none of them stay here, so he must be sending them home or something. But you, he said, is perfect! He told me that you are the one. He is gonna make you his wife, and you will help him build a wonderful kingdom for all his subjects."

"How many subjects does he have?"

"Oh, I don't know; a million or two. But he loves _you_, Madame. So much. And it's beautiful that he finally found you."

The two women styled Kammy's hair and put makeup on her face before leaving her, still only wearing a towel wrapped around her, when her captor returned. He had a garment in his arms, which he held up for her. "I think you'd look good in this."

Kammy frowned. It was a very elegant, floor-length dress with glossy sequins sewn into it that made it twinkle in the light from the fireplace. But it was black; a color Magikoopas avoided. In their culture, black was reserved for those who had been banished. Traditionally they buried their peers in black robes.

Every woman Wizenheimer had given one of these gowns had died before sunrise. Kammy didn't know that; thankfully. It had been like that since he was a teenager. Kammy didn't know this, luckily, but touching it made her feel uneasy anyway.

"Put it on. Wouldn't it be better to wear velvet than… _nothing_?" As he said that, he pulled off her towel, leaving her completely naked. Kammy yelped and tried to cover up the important parts with her hands. She was freezing, and realized she had no other choice.

"You look wonderful." Wizenheimer was already lost in a fantasy about how lovely the garment would look if Kammy was dead. But all good things…

"I refuse to be your captive, Wizenheimer. I'm an important Koopa, and I have rights."

Kammy leant against the banister of the hallway. That was the creepy part of haunted castles; they had random areas with bottomless pits.

"Yes, yes; rights." He stared at her. "Rights to be treated like dirt by that blithering idiot that calls himself "King" Koopa. To have him take the credit for your accomplishments, blaming you for his asininity and mistakes, as well as expecting you to be supportive while he does so. I think my offer trumps his."

Kammy had a difficult time breathing in the tightly-laced corset. "And what is that?"

She could have been wrong, but it looked as if he was smiling. "You were Koopa's tool, and now you can be my queen. Think of all the things we could do together. Isn't it wonderful?"

Kammy felt his hands resting above her tail, and it made her very uncomfortable. She backed away from him. "Maybe there are Koopa women among your subjects listless enough to fawn over that idea. But I will still be a tool, only with a different master."

She then tried a different tactic. "And why, out of all the women you can have, you know, with your wealth and power, did you choose little me?"

The sorcerer wrapped his arm around her and pressed her cheek against his lips, kissing her. "Because you are very powerful, too. I just know that you're the right one, and," he chuckled, "This is where it becomes interesting."

He grabbed a hold of her nape, while whispering: "Because you wouldn't dare to deny yourself to me. Do so, and I'll tell Kamek everything I know about your youthful indiscretions. Such as, oh, I don't know, ratting out Kamek and his tribe to King Bowser's ancestor. Do you think your sweetheart would spare you his wrath if he knew who's really to blame for the death of his sister?"

Kammy felt cold, and he saw it.

"My, my. You look so pale. Let's get you to bed."

Wizenheimer led her to his bedchamber, which all too well matched the creepy dress she wore. She lay down on the canopy bed and was quickly seized by her captor, who touched her, pulling her close.

"Wizenheimer, please," she said lovingly. Or at least as lovingly as she could; he made her nauseous. He reeked of old potions, and the closer he got, she felt one bit of hope of ever being found, vanishing.

"If you really love me, you will let me leave. You wouldn't do this to me."

She struggled against his grip. "You're being too rough with me! Let go!"

He hesitated. This was the only way he had ever shown affection, ever since he was just a Mageling. Back then he had the time of his life first tempting girls into following him into the forest, and then spending hours chasing after them deeper, and deeper into the darkness. They would always get frightened of how persistent he was in hunting them, and when they couldn't run and hide anymore, they begged him to take them back to the village. He promised them he would, and took them back to his haunted mansion, where he forced them to put on a black dress, and drove them mad with his mind games. Afterwards he let them go, alone into the woods, and those who made it back to the village alive never became their normal selves again.

Wizenheimer loosened his grip, but still bearing down on her, resting his entire, and substantial, bodyweight against her. "You will learn to love me in time. Now, I want you to stay here and talk to me in that sweet little voice forever. Together, we'll make a better world for the Magikoopas. This is how you can make amends, Kammy-dear. You know, for the enslavement that the highest species on the Mushroom Planet. I'll make you mine, thus taking your guilt. Or…"

He rested his claws on her neck. "…You alone can pay an awful price. Now, dear. Choose."

She pondered. If she chose to make amends for her crime, she would become Wizenheimer's wife; forever bound to him, his house and his cause. If she elected death, there would be no one to keep Wizenheimer from releasing his evil upon the Mushroom Kingdom, and destroying it.

"You don't want to die, do you, Kammy?" He whispered into her ear.

She begged for freedom; pleaded, but he didn't cave. She had caused him a lot of trouble, you know. So she gave up, feeling that all hope was lost.

"I-I will… I will stay here," she sobbed, and forced herself to kiss him on the side of his neck. He savored it while playing with the lace of her bodice.

"No…" She muttered. "No; I'm not ready for that!"

Wizenheimer hadn't gained his reputation by listening to his victims' pleas. She struggled; but my, he was heavy; like a boulder crushing down on her.

Kammy lay there, completely naked, her breath trembling. "What are you doing?"

The sorcerer sat up and rested a claw between her breasts.

"It's alright, my dear. This won't hurt a bit."

Using his blade, he slashed open his palm, while making a deep gash in Kammy's chest. She was terrified, but it didn't hurt. He put his hand on her wound, and closed his eyes; she was so warm and vivid. Kammy didn't stain the sheets; instead, she became weaker… and weaker… until he had completely drained her of magic. She was empty while her life force coursed through his system. When it had finished one lap through his veins, he returned some of it to her, but it now felt very different. That was because it belonged to Wizenheimer; his blood was in her veins. Kammy's heart belonged to him.

"How do you feel?" Wizenheimer kissed her snout very tenderly, and lifted his hand to reveal that there was no more wound, just her soft, soft scales.

Kammy was bedazzled. She had nothing left of her own essence, so she wasn't herself anymore. She looked up. Oh; there he was; the wonderful Koopa who had saved her. She chose to attach to him; the closest magical being around.

She wrapped her legs around his and impatiently holding her arms around his shoulders she kissed him, before lying back down on the pillows.

"Please take off your robes," she asked very politely, then snarled: "Take off your robes!"

Wizenheimer blushed; some of his assertiveness must have been in that blood he gave her. She purred and let him ease her out of the already opened corset before he held her, closer and closer…

And Kammy was overjoyed to feel it. "Love me; Wizenheimer, love me!" She gasped into the skin of his neck. And he did "love" her, in ways she never had before, and she was in complete rapture; having no control over her own tongue.

"I'm just flesh to you, Wizenheimer; _nothing_ but flesh!" Her face twitched, and so did his; the way she kept saying his name was… magic…

They were approaching the inevitable when he whispered:"Can you feel my love, Kammy? Do you understand that it's all for you?

Kammy made a long, soft sound into his chest. "Yes, I do!" She clutched his shoulders. "Yes, oh yes, I do!"

Then her entire body started shuddering and Wizenheimer, too enchanted by hers to enjoy his own when it happened, watched her as she went from ecstatic to exhausted, and let her kiss him again before resting in his arms.

She was fast asleep on his arm, with her silvery hair flowing over his shoulder, and her hand resting on his chest.

Normally, after draining and sleeping with the women he captured, Wizenheimer would gently lay them among the pillows in his bed before squeezing the life out of them with his bare hands and then bury them in the castle cemetery. He looked at Kammy, and felt the urge to do it, but decided against it.

She was the first woman he liked better alive than dead.


	9. Ten Thousand Black Roses

**Oh, the fanservice! Be ye warned.**

* * *

The nests were very comfortable; preparing them was obviously an art to the Forever women. But Kamek had been tossing around in his sleep all night. He had dreamed, you see, of evil forces trying to destroy what he loved most of all. He climbed out of the nest, but his knees and feet were still trembling and weak.

The sun was barely up above the villagers, yet Kamek couldn't wait any longer. He therefore awakened Roy with a breeze from his wand.

Roy had always enjoyed sleeping in, and the Villagers had found that they did as well, that's why it took more than one try to wake him up.

The former Koopaling sat up and rubbed his eyes while yawning. "Kamek? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you, young sir, but I can't stay any longer. The sun is up, and I don't have a second to spare. I have to find her." The wizard drew both his wand and broom. "If you would be so kind and point me in the direction of Wizenheimer's castle, I will leave you be."

Roy scratched his neck sluggishly, but his voice was completely alert when he spoke. "Point? If it only were that easy." He shook his head. "If you wanna find the castle, there's only one way in that he doesn't know of."

He whistled, and a pteranodon-bird came jogging out from one of the stables. Kamek had met the bird once before, he just couldn't remember it.

"Kamek, this is Radar." Roy said proudly and patted the bird on the head. "He will take you to one of our allies; the sorceress Kamella. Do not use magic or any of your items. Kamella's cottage is the marker for the last place Koopa magic can be used. Near Wizenheimer's palace your powers can be corrupted. Even your broom will fail you there."

The Koopaling smiled cordially. "When you see Kamella, say "hi" from the Forevers. I owe her money, so I won't be joining you there."

Kamek actually felt like snickering a little at that, but Lynnie, whose motto is "nobody likes a comedian", elbowed her husband aside.

"Kamella knows a path into Wizenheimer's palace that he himself is unaware of. Thanks to her, many of my friends and fellow women have been saved from that horrible place. Follow her advice and don't stray from it, wizard. And I must add…"

She took a deep breath; admitting this was difficult. "Wizenheimer can't see into your heart, so if you can concoct a decent enough lie, he'll buy it. But he can still poison your mind with temptation. And he knows what you desire most."

* * *

Without magic, Kamek had been worried that his blood wouldn't circulate normally. But there seemed to be a magic about Radar as the bird did not allow him to freeze.

The Rugged Mountain towered over the Land of Confusion and Kamek felt as though the barren peak was glaring at him. The yellow pteranodon slowed down and set course for the ground ever so slightly.

"You know where were going, don't you?"

"Whoop," Radar replied.

The only things Kamek really knew about Lady Kamella was that she was of a more recent generation, very intelligent and with the ability to channel her magic not only through a wand, but an array of magical items. It is not unheard of among the Magikoopas; Kamek could use a crystal ball and snap his fingers to make simple objects like cups of tea and Bob-Ombs appear.

Pteranodon birds are never aggressive; they are very similar to manatees in nature; tolerant, curious and kind. They are very loyal and will give their life to save a friend from danger. It's not in their nature to be subservient. A pteranodon bird likes being treated as equals; albeit an equal who get their feathers brushed by their partners.

He landed very softly on his muscular, turkey-like legs outside of a bunch of trees. Kamek raised his eyebrow as he slid off the mount's back.

"This is Kamella's house? Are you sure?"

Radar nodded; he was quite the wiseacre. He directed Kamek to an opening in the trees by butting him in the back with his beak.

The trees were whispering, and Kamek got the impression that their topic of discussion was him. He also guessed that if it hadn't been for Radar, they wouldn't have allowed him in to the sorceress' home.

Kamella sat on a zabuton behind a stone apothecary table reading a beginner's book on magical mushrooms. Of course, what she didn't already know about magical mushrooms wasn't worth knowing, but whenever she had a lousy morning, she liked cheering herself up with newbie material as they made her think of the good old days. Kamek didn't know any of this, that's why the sight of her reading a book he had given his copy of to goodwill when he was seven did not raise his hopes.

She wondered if her eyes were deceiving her. Kamek saw her too, and she was beautiful (for a Magikoopa female anyway; who in dire situations have been known to eat their young).

Kamella was tall and slim with an inherent grace to her movements, and she had a vibrant face, full of expression. She wore a long, red velveteen robe with lace trumpet sleeves and a matching pointy hat, and had even completed her fashion statement with lipstick and nail polish. All Magikoopas take their looks very seriously, so seeing Kamella dressed to the nines made Kamek instinctively reach into his shell for his pocket mirror, but her resisted the temptation.

"Master Kamek," she said almost in awe, as she had nothing but the deepest respect for him. She rose from her seat and bowed her head with her hands pressed together. "What brings you to my home, sir?"

The wizard bowed back, although not as deep, seeing as he was older than her; it was the etiquette of Magikoopas that the older the recipient, the deeper the bow.

"Lady Kamella, greetings." Kamek approached the sorceress with caution. He was still unsure of who to trust – and distrust. "I have come to ask for your assistance."

Kamella's friendly face turned a little sour. "In what?"

Two days earlier yet another who had heard of Kamella's beauty asked her to _assist_ him in populating the next generation with only superior intellects and looks. She didn't even ask which of those would be her contribution, just sent him packing. The only thing she despised more than babies were conceited males.

"I need help… Finding my…" Kamek had to shove the last word off of his tongue. "My beloved."

Kamella nodded and turned her back at him while filling a bucket of water. "Another one," she said coldly.

"Please, Madame," Kamek insisted. "I have to get to Wizenheimer's palace and save Kammy. I love… love her. He stole her and I don't know what he's doing to her."

He took the bucket and gave it to Radar, who had eaten all the berries the kind trees had offered him. Kamella opened one of her tree trunk cabinets and took out a bell jar.

"This is why his castle is impenetrable," she said and turned around, showing him the jar.

"Is that –" Kamek straightened his glasses.

"Indeed; it's one of Wizenheimer's black climbing roses. Everyone he kills turn into one of these roses. I've been to the orchard once, Kamek. And I saw ten thousand roses; as black as coal in all sizes; great Koopa men and their wise women, and innocent, loving children. Wizenheimer loves every one of his black roses, and in return they are loyal to him. I took this one to add to my herbarium, and for that Wizenheimer is after me."

"Why would you steal a possessed flower?" Kamek asked and inspected the black rose. It whipped out its long, grayish vine and thrust it at him; luckily half an inch of Lucite was enough to protect him from its frightening, razor-sharp thorns.

"I didn't know what it was at the time. And neither does anyone else that I help retrieve loved ones. No, they flout my advice, strike out against Wizenheimer themselves, and become one of the blooms that he looks after so lovingly. It never fails." She sat down on the table, sighing.

"But I'm not like the others, Madame. I swear; whatever it takes, I will do it. Even if that means taking orders from you."

Kamek was so insisting Kamella eventually agreed by nodding her head.

"Oh, thank you…" Kamek started.

"That'll be 400 coins, please." The sorceress held her claw out, beckoning.

"_What_?" Kamek's jaw dropped.

"You heard me," Kamella said matter-of-factly. "And I want it up front. Because even if you don't end up like one of those egg-suckers I've helped over the years I have bills to pay."

Kamek reached into his shell and took out a giant jar of Coins. He sighed; he had really intended to spend it on a recreational field trip to Real-World Norway, which in addition to being roomy, scenic and peaceful was incredibly expensive. And Kammy would most certainly order the _Salma_ salmon.

"Thanks." Kamella pocketed the coins.

"Should we get going?" The wizard tapped the tip of his boot impatiently into the ground. Kamella nodded, but then caught a glimpse of the treacherous sun, that was already setting.

"In the morning," she said. "There's no way in Hell I'm leaving my home after dark."

* * *

Wizenheimer had never before experienced what happiness really felt like. But as he was sitting in his armchair in front of the fireplace with Kammy by his portly side, he decided it couldn't be anything else.

Kammy was dozing and as content as a cat after having a large bowl of cream. Wizenheimer gently laid his hand over hers, and she smiled at him.

"You look a little pale, dear." He said; which may have been the understatement of that century. "Maybe you would like a walk in the forest."

Kammy nodded vapidly.

"Good." The evil sorcerer helped her to her feet.

"There are so many of our subjects I want you to see," he explained as he lead her along the forest trail around one of the many outdoor compounds housing his followers and slaves. They all cowered when Wizenheimer approached them; hoping dearly that neither them, nor their loved ones would become a black rose tonight.

"It's so nice to meet you all," Kammy droned, still with the weak smile. They were all curious as to why Wizenheimer was in the company of this living, breathing lady, as opposed to dragging her dead body across the ground.

Wizenheimer thrust his wand in their faces. "Bow before your Queen. She will reign by my side for the next perpetuity."

Kammy was overjoyed to hear that. "It's true. I never want to leave this beautiful kingdom."

She then let her new husband loop his arm around hers, and she hummed a sweet little tune as they walked. Kammy then realized she was hungry and stopped walking so fast Wizenheimer almost stumbled. She could see that he was frowning, and before he could rebuke her, she planted her lips on his, although pulling away before it got serious. To her horror she realized that he was still displeased with her. She hurried up with her explanation.

"I'm hungry," she whined, playing with the lace on her sleeve.

Wizenheimer didn't pay attention to her words at first; he was too busy savoring the taste of her on his lips, but he never let even the most despised of his prisoners starve; it was not his intention to deprive Kammy of food either.

"Dinner is being prepared for us as we speak, beloved one. I'm sure it will be ready by the time we return home."

He initiated the next kiss, and made sure this time it was serious.

Wizenheimer had a dining hall, but preferred to eat in his library as it was cozier and warmer. The table had been set by three little Koopas who vanished at the first chance they got, but the sorcerer remained standing by the fireplace until his beautiful wife entered with Holly, who was her unofficial lady-in-waiting. Holly couldn't stay; she had Solo Toadies to look after once her twelve-hour shift cooking and seeing to Queen Kammy's beauty regime.

Kammy's long silvery curls had been brushed and made into a classy knot, and she wore very discreet makeup. But she almost couldn't sit upright on her chair, so Wizenheimer had to conjure a security strap across her waist as if she was an infant in a high chair.

To add to this analogy there was a lovely vegetable pot pie on her plate, but her hands trembled; unable to hold the knife and fork, much less eat in a civilized manner. She pouted like an upset toddler.

"Wizenheimer," she groaned. "I… I can't eat."

"Oh, my," he said, trying to sound concerned. But he wasn't. This was exactly how weak and defenseless he wanted her to be.

"I'm so hungry," she stuttered, and a couple of tears streamed down her face.

Her captor sat down next to her, and cut her pie up into more manageable pieces. "Don't be sad, Kammy. Here; I'll help you finish before it gets cold."

Kammy was so hungry she ate everything she was offered. Wizenheimer had been lonely and bitter for so long food didn't taste anything to him. Thus seeing Kammy enjoying her meal had been so mesmerizing he had forgotten his own; seeing her break bread with her true love's mortal enemy was more delicious than any earthly sustenance could ever have been.

"You're wonderful, Kammy. Yesterday night was unforgettable…" he wiped some crumbs from her face, careful not to ruin her lipstick. "…But I've got a question for you, and it's important."

Kammy nodded idly.

"How would you like… to become a mother?"

The poor woman yelped in surprise, and she looked back at Wizenheimer with fear in her eyes.

"Oh… Oh, uh…"

She didn't know what to say to please him. "But…My world is so nice and quiet; it's so peaceful in this castle. No Koopalings screaming, pulling pranks or making demands… Oh, Wizenheimer; I've never carried or laid an egg before. What if I get ill? I feel so weak."

She couldn't bear to look at him. "But I… I do love you, I-I just don't wish to have children… Right now."

Wizenheimer frowned, hmm, he was at first going to offer her peach cake for dessert, but it seemed as though instead, he would have to give her another dose of that sweet, sweet venom he was poisoning her mind with.

"One day we will start our own beautiful, royal family, Kammy. It will be the dawning of a better age not only for the Magikoopas, but for all Koopas. Humans, Toads, Goombas and Beanish will fall by our hands, and we, the Koopas, take over the universe. But not without you, Kammy. The fate of Koopakind is now in the hands of our Queen."

Kammy swallowed every drop of this poison as if it was orange juice. "Oh… Alright, Wizenheimer. If this is what you want, it is what I'll do… As a Queen."

He smiled, and let her rest her head on his neck. "Thank you, Kammy. I am very grateful to hear that."

Later that night Kammy had fallen asleep. Her hair had loosened from the knot during the evening's passion, and was now splayed over the pillow. The warm summer breeze caressed her nude skin, and she sighed contently in her sleep.

"Yes," Wizenheimer whispered. "Just rest now, my beloved. You don't know that your workday has only just begun."

He reached into his satchel and took out one of the greatest weapons in his arsenal; the long lost Oog Tar.

When a person of strong inner magic, in the Oog Tar's case; insanity, touched it, the artifact would emit either a pink, blue or green light. As Wizenheimer laid his pasty claws on it, it radiated an ungodly black glow.

"I know you hate me, my love, but I own you now. And I want you to do a favor for me again."

The evil sorcerer touched its center crystal and an image of Kamek, sleeping on a branch in one of Kamella's trees came into focus.

"Hello, old rival. Have you missed me?" Wizenheimer drew his wand, and spun a long string of gold.

"You have worked hard all summer, my boy. Here is your ticket to the dream theater."

* * *

Kamek opened his eyes. He was standing in the middle of a peaceful street. He realized from the numbers on the charming houses and the name of the street that he was in Norway. The Land of Confusion really did take you places.

"I'm thirsty," he said to himself. Despite popular opinion, Norway does get very hot in the summer. A strawberry snow cone would be awesome, Kamek thought. But do I have enough for it?"

Someone tugged him in the sleeve, and he looked down. It was a little Koopa boy.

"Sir, I'm so warm." He wiped the sweat off his brow with his hand.

Kamek reached into his hammer-space. "Hold out your hands."

The wizard poured into the boy's cupped hands, not money, but gold glitter. "Buy a cold drink."

"Thank you." The boy ran off down the narrow, sunny street, past the pear trees, peony bushes and dog roses.

"Kamek?" A voice said, and it was like tender music to Kamek's ears. He turned around to see his beloved Kammy, standing behind a green chain-link fence, which is the Norwegian take on the white pickets. She wore a lovely, simple Edwardian tea dress in white lace that ended right above her ankles, which Kamek had never seen before. Her curly hair was tied up under a sun hat, and she carried a parasol. Kamek was captivated by the very sight of her, and she returned his loving expression with a fond smile.

"Please come in. The gate is opened for you."

A little band of Koopa handmaidens took Kamek's bag and insisted that he take his boots off before entering the backyard.

"Follow me into the shade, Kamek," Kammy said with a little giggle. And he did; he would have followed her to the edge of the planet. The grass under his bare feet was soft and fresh; there was nothing like it anywhere else in the world. Kammy led him to an apple tree in the slightly slanted back yard where they sat down on the picnic quilt.

"You came just in time for tea." Her secretive smile widened, and her eyes were fixed on him. "Would you like some?"

Kamek was on cloud nine just looking at her. "I-I would love some."

The servant girls came with a silver tea tray and Kammy poured the tea like the gracious hostess she was, after giving the maidens the order of not disturbing her unless they were called.

"Why are you here, Kammy? I thought you lived in Wizenheimer's castle."

Kammy finished her second cup of tea. "That's true; I do in fact live there. But I just love the Norwegian summer so much my husband gave me this house as a present." She then looked at him, and she was noticeably sadder. "I waited for you, Kamek. Every day. I wanted you to get the courage to tell me that you love me."

Kamek hung his head. "I know. And I'm sorry."

They sat silently for a moment, but Kammy was too excited to be blue for long. She put her teacup on one of the soft pillows and leaned her head on Kamek's chest.

"Read to me," she demanded. "I want to hear one of your stories."

Kamek took her hat off, drank up his tea and told her a simple story that he made up as he went along. She hung on to every word, from beginning to end. And when the story was over, she thanked him, while opening the busk in her corset.

"Kammy, what are you doing?" Kamek's throat was dry. He hadn't enjoyed a woman's company for centuries and thus almost forgotten what it was like. Kammy left her chest bare, and it was a beautiful sight. She took out the combs holding her hair up, and it reached her almost to the waist. She put her hands on his chest, pushing him to the ground.

"Kamek, please touch me. Just because I am now owned by another man doesn't mean you can't still love me."

"I… I will," Kamek stuttered. He turned around, laying her head down on one of the velvet cushions. They kissed, and if Kamek hadn't been so breathless from Kammy's favors, he would have been marveling at the notion that one can live to be a thousand, but still experience feelings that are brand new.

Kammy wrapped her legs around him, and pressed her body against his, longing for them to be one. And when Kamek obeyed, her lower back jolted as she moaned in pleasure. On the inside she found herself torn between the two men in her life based on their romantic prowess. Closeness with Wizenheimer was dangerous in the best ways; he was passionate, thorough… While Kamek was so gentle and loving, and careful – he centered the act on love, not lust. He didn't remember, but Kammy did, when they were very young and in love. Whenever opportunity presented itself they would run off to the jungles of Yoshi Island and make love there on the highest clay hills, under the setting sun. Kammy had never forgotten how safe she had felt in his arms, although their first time had frightened the both of them. They were after all Magikoopas; very emotionally advanced creatures, and what was natural to their bodies, such as the indulgence of physical romance, may not have been natural to their minds.

"Kamek!" She gasped, as she was rapidly reaching the finish line. She closed her eyes and clutched the quilt. "Kamek…!"

She started shivering, but Kamek didn't stop moving until she lost all energy and fell asleep.

When she woke up from a dreamless slumber, Kamek was holding his arm over her, and she could feel his breath on her hair. She wanted the moment to last forever, but she knew better.

She rose, leaning on her arm.

"Where are you going, Kammy?" Kamek asked as she put her dress back on.

"It's getting late. I have to go home to the castle." Her face was blue again.

Kamek frowned, then shook his head. "Please don't leave me. I… I finally found you. You can't disappear again; I won't let you."

She smiled her enigmatic smile again. "Then follow me there. My husband will never even know you are there."

Kamek brightened up by that idea, and let Kammy show the way from the garden, and down the block. Suddenly they had left the suburban street, and entered a forest.

"Don't lose sight of me, Kamek. I'm the only one who knows the way."

"I won't. I promise." The wizard walked after her. "I'm right behind you."

"_Kamek!"_ He thought he heard a voice in the distance. But he ignored it and followed Kammy, who had left the path to walk among the dark trees.

He followed suit.

"_Kamek!" _

There was that voice again.

"_Stop_!"

"I can't stop," he mumbled, annoyed. Kammy had stopped, and she pointed to a dark oblivion.

"That's the door. Follow me." She walked right into it, and Kamek took a trusting step forward. Then, out of nowhere, someone grabbed a hold of his collar and dragged him away.

"No!" he screamed. "Leave me alone! I have to be with her!"

"Kamek, wake up!"

Someone smacked him right in the face, and he opened his eyes. He was lying on the ground…

Or more correctly, the ten inches of ground before a seemingly bottomless gorge; an ugly black pit. Kamella had intervened just in time.

"What happened?" He tried to sit up. "Where's Kammy?"

"There's no Kammy," Kamella said gruffly. "Wizenheimer reached you in your dreams and tried to kill you."

Kamek now realized what Shelly had meant by saying that Wizenheimer knew what Kamek desired the most.

"He must know that we're close." Now that tonight ordeal was over, Kamek felt a little stupid.

"Of course he does. He's probably expecting us as well." Kamella helped him to his feet.

As they entered the path again, Kamek could have sworn he saw a glimpse of a metal rose vine in the dark distance.


	10. The Shrine

New chapter! If the world stands till Christmas, I'll buy y'all onion rings and sweet tea.

* * *

"For as long as intelligent life has existed on the Mushroom Planet, there has been a general disagreement on which clan is the ancestors of them all, and true heirs of the Mushroom soil, although Toad historians grudgingly agree that of the Koopas makes the most sense.

Koopa is the oldest sentient species known in the Mushroom Universe, and their size varies from that of your shoe to that of your house. They survive in water just as well as on shore. Some can fly and live in the clouds, preferring sunlight, while others take to the darkness of the caves. From the scorching desert to the freezing poles, they endure everywhere.

Also, they are the only intelligent species that are not mammals. Most Koopas do not give this fact much thought except for Magikoopas, who are exclusively herbivores and consider all mammals as "dirty"; although not to anyone's face.

The only thing the Toads, Beanish and Humans had in common when they arrived on the Mushroom Planet was their Koopa Troopa company. Because of their goal-oriented nature, their need to follow a leader and timidness, Troopas were sold as slaves and seen more as commodities and conveniences than living creatures with needs and emotions. Their lives were often gloomy, and they seldom lived to see adulthood.

Earning one's keep is not a bad thing, mind you, but the Troopas had none of the rights you and I have. They couldn't assemble to discuss the world. They were not allowed to vote, and they were not provided with an education. In fact, they were only allowed what their masters allowed them. One of the Koopas had enough of this one day. He feared so much that he would face death at the hands of his owners, and one night he refused to go to bed. Instead he turned his nest over and stood on it, saying to the other slaves: "Why are we treated differently? Why is it that I, tall and strong as I am, is forced to work for a puny Beanish woman?"

"You were paid for," one of the few elderly Koopa ladies said as she knitted. "Thirty coins of gold, one sack of red mushrooms, two cantaloupes. That is what we all cost. My previous master sold me to the Beanish without the mushrooms, because of my injured leg."

Koopa nodded. "Well. I was bought, yes. But where is the gold, mushrooms and fruit? For I received none of it. My dear friends. None of us have received anything. We did not go out to sell our souls nor flesh. Yet here we are, trapped like sardines in a barrel. We are able-bodied. Why do we not break free?"

The other Koopas mumbled despondently. They had never pictured for their inner minds that they had the power to change the things that had always been. No one had ever tried to help them, and the first Koopa Wizards were still just cider mill slaves dabbling in lounge acts.

"Better things await us, my friends," Koopa said with a winning smile, for nothing ever fazed him but injustice. "All we have to do is to reach out and take it."

The others began discussing with more hope. The elderly woman was pensive as her husband through sixty years lovingly wrapped a warm sheet around her arthritis-ridden leg, like he did every night.

It took more than one night to convince the other. But one day became the point of no return. It is unknown whether the adult, yet simple-minded siblings were in charge of the castle kitchen that day, or the furnace room. Regardless, a large pot of water was knocked over the east tower's coal supply by accident, and the two Koopas met a gruesome fate by the whipping post. Their mother had begged for her children's lives throughout the execution. Koopa, who had been working in the orchard that day, didn't learn of what was happening until it was too late. The mother Koopa sat on the ground, holding her children. She didn't cry. Her grief exceeded tears. Koopa sat down by her, and he asked. "Why was this done to us?"

"Our masters said they will not risk more shrinkage due to our incompetence." She closed her eyes, also the eyes of her children.

Koopa stood up again. "So that is what they said." He turned to the others. "But we will not risk more suffering due to their cruelty." He took his pruning axe from the corner. "Follow me, Koopas! It is time we became our own masters."

And so they did. Never before, and never again had the Mushroom World seen such a bloodbath, as when the Koopa Troopas decided to rebel against their owners. But the color and sight of the slave masters' blood on the ground was only a reflection of the brutality the Koopas had suffered for centuries. All slaves of the Mushroom World joined the rebellion, and on the third day Koopa said to them as they gathered at the market square to destroy the statues of the superior races:

"My dear friends, we leave just enough survivors for the lesson to remain learned. Today we lay the foundation of our own free society. We protect it... as the Koopa Troop."

* * *

Kamek carefully held his torch over the hieroglyphs, but from here they became illegible.

"Do you suppose it's the elements?" Kamella asked.

The wizard nodded. "That, or censorship."

And that was a safe assumption. The rest of the artwork on the temple's walls was intact, and no grave robbers had stolen any of the artifacts, or opened the sarcophagi lined up on the side of the hallway. Kamek had no way of telling who was in the stone caskets without reading the inscriptions, which would take a lot of time. The old Petalburgers were perfectionists when it came to public records; every five years a Petalburger; be it a priest or a peasant, was to show up at a Temple to describe important happenings in their lives during that time. It was a widespread superstition that if a person could not be proven to have existed in the mortal world, there may not be a place for them in the spirit world.

"You never told me Wizenheimer's palace was above a Gemini Temple."

Radar had taken them there. A Gemini temple is not a place of worship, but of veneration of the Gemini; the first modern Magikoopas. But they had gone from being confirmed history to mere myths, and thus no one had come to a Temple in over a thousand years.

"That's because, honestly, I didn't think we'd make it this far." Kamella decided not to say more, as Kamek had been embarrassed enough from the incident in the forest as it was.

Kamek nodded and leaned against the wall. However, he knocked over an object he hadn't seen. Instinctively, he grabbed the jar moments before it hit the ground. He didn't have time to feel relieved though, as a sound emitted from the jar.

The head was screaming. Neither of them could fathom how a Koopa woman without throat, lungs, and everything else could scream, but she did.

"Master! Master! The thieves are stealing me! Help me!"

Praying none of the guards, or worse, Wizenheimer himself had heard it, Kamek and Kamella started running.

"This constitutes a "safe passage" to you?!" Kamek clutched the jar as if to cover the head's mouth.

"I must have read too many hieroglyphs," Kamella panted. The head ran out of air, and stopped screaming. Kamek held up the jar in a better light.

Despite having no blood supply he could see that the head was beautiful. Kamek guessed that it had belonged to someone quite young, maybe sixteen or seventeen years of age. Sixteen is not much, especially not for Koopas. Someone, most likely Wizenheimer, cared for the head regularly as it wore fresh makeup and its hair was glossy and carefully trimmed. It couldn't hide the obvious ravages of death, though. The skin not covered in makeup was transparent, and the lips had darkened. Kamek was terrified of death's face; it was something no one alive had any power over but to take the life of one's fellow creatures.

"I know what this is," Kamella said curiously. "It's one of Wizenheimer's living heads. But I've only heard rumors. What a day to be a wizard!"

"I'm a 'she', not an 'it', you twit!" The head opened its eyes and stared angrily at Kamella. It was just unsettling enough to make Kamek want to dispose of it.

"Our sincerest apologies," Kamek said, keeping the jar on an arm's length away from his face. "What's your name, miss?"

The head closed its eyes, thinking hardly. "Sage." Then she giggled. "I haven't thought of my name in centuries. Master always just calls me "dear"."

"Who is your master?" Kamek asked.

Sage raised her eyebrows. "Ever since I became a living dead, my allegiances has been with the Forest Wizard." She smiled. "And my death has never been better. He's not so bad when you get to know him. He made me responsible for all the heads in this house."

"You mean there are more living heads in the palace?" Kamella's interest peaked.

Sage turned to her. "Of course there are. Who else would warn the guards of thieves, or watch over the Master and his wife as they sleep? And who else is more beautiful than us? Except maybe for the Queen."

"Wizenheimer has a wife?" Despite him dying from curiosity, Kamek decided to advance with caution.

"Yes, he does. She's gorgeous. Also, I think she's expectant. She's either hiding it from him, or just waiting for the right moment. She may be beautiful, but she's an oddball."

That was a very accurate description of Kammy, who had always seemed odd to those who didn't know her.

Sage was very talkative, even though she could communicate with the other 698 heads in the palace complex and also Wizenheimer, nothing beat eye contact and the sound of real voices. Kamek's hands were warm against the glass, and she wanted so much to feel them against her skin. Just once…

"What's your story, Sage?" Kamella asked. "Were you a Magikoopa also?"

"Not at all," Sage shook her head. "I don't remember much of anything before I came here. The last day I lived a very powerful Koopa sold me to Master, and said: "For this fine piece of tail I want to know where the magic doodads are". I think he wanted to sell me as a concubine of sorts."

For some reason that kind of trade sounded extremely familiar to Kamek.

"But Master says that was just a dream. According to him I tried to steal Super Mushrooms from his hothouse. That makes sense. They were my favorite food once, and Master does not house any concubines. I wish he did. At least then there would be fresh gossip every once in a while."

"I see." Kamek then thought of something. "Have you seen a little Toady girl around here?"

Sage frowned. "Toady girl?"

"Yes, um, tiny with a red robe, swirly glasses, propeller and an annoying, high-pitched voice…"

"… Who never stops talking, right?"

"That's her," he said with a smile.

"In the kitchen. According to the guards she makes good oatmeal."

Choosing to stay behind with Sage, Kamella held the door to the kitchen open for Kamek.

Kastle Koopa also had a kitchen that took up most of the basement floor. The architect who built the castle had designed it so that the prisoners in the dungeons situated on the same floor could smell the king's supper as they themselves starved to death. But it was nothing like this. This was more like a kitchen house rather than a floor.

Kamek looked around for Toadie. He didn't find her, but he did see another Koopa woman walking around jittery, while preparing a tea tray. Her hands were trembling as she put sugar cubes into the little lidded bowl; without removing the lid.

"Excuse me, Madame," Kamek said gently.

She jumped three feet and dropped all the sugar cubes. It's almost done, sir, please just wait for two seconds!"

You may wonder how Koopa Troopas recollect each other, and how they part one from the other. It's an instinct of theirs; part of their everyday magic. Kamek partook in this magic also; otherwise he would never have recognized Holly Koopa, even if she had worn her trademark lavender hat and pink shoes. Holly was as thin as a pole and looked awful.

"Holly, dear." Kamek took her hands to calm her down. "What's wrong? What happened?"

The female Koopa's breath returned to normal, though her eyes were still panicking.

"How did you end up in a place like this?" Kamek asked looking around for a chair for her.

"I don't know; I swear I don't know! Please don't hurt me!" Tears ran down her face. "I'm good. I won't run away again, I swear!"

Kamek saw something on her neck and turned her around, lifting her headscarf from her nap. He saw red stripes covered in petroleum jelly; historically used to treat whipping wounds. Kamek chose the word "historically" as he hadn't seen these kinds of wounds in centuries. Not even King Bowser's notoriously evil grandfather, who exterminated 95 percent of the Medikoopas, whipped his insubordinate underlings.

Kamek used the little healing powers he had to make the wounds scab over. As least they were protected this way, although there was no guarantee they wouldn't leave scars.

"Holly," he tried one more time. "Who is that lovely tea for?"

She nodded, and went back to stacking sugar cubes. "For the Forest wizard and his wife, of course. They have tea every sunset in the palace garden. Although Queen Kammy can't have caffeine these days. I just make a nice green tea blend." Holly started shaking and sobbing again; the tea tray clattering in her hands.

Kamek wanted to ask another question, but was interrupted by a loud banging on the counter next to him. "Leave her alone; can't you see you're upsetting her?" The kitchen chef, a heavy-set Koopa lady yielding a ladle chased hi aside and took Holly's hand. "It's alright, darling. You're not working anymore today. Toadie can take the tray. I will get you to bed."

"Master Kamek!"

He heard a happy little voice pierce the solemn atmosphere of the kitchen and something small flying right into his arms and giving him a hug. It smelled like grass stains and prune yoghurt; good old Toadie. He returned the hug and held her up. Oh, dear; he had forgotten how tiny she was. How tiny all his Toadies were.

"Oh, sweetheart," he said; most unprofessionally, but he was so relieved that she was unharmed. "I promise I will never leave you behind like that again. Oh, my; I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"Sure. It's good to see you." Toadie, who loved hugs, instantly forgot how scared and lonely she had been the last couple of weeks.

"Toadie," Kamek said as he wiped some oatmeal stains off her robe. "Have you seen Lady Kammy around here?"

Toadie nodded. "Yes, sir, I have."

"Can you please take me to her? Just show me where she is without Wizenheimer seeing us?"

Toadie nodded again. "Yes, sir. I can."

Kamek followed her out the kitchen door, hoping Kamella would approve of his plan as he designed it…


	11. Doom Dancers

**Part 2 of this fic. Hold on to your butts and or tails!**

* * *

"Starman Unit 6, this is _Doom Dancer_, please respond, over."

But the vast galaxy ahead was as silent as it was beautiful.

"Still nothing?" The woman in yellow leaned to the side.

"Not a word," the man en green replied. He punched the radio switch again. "I'm gonna kick that garage Koopa."

"We can't really complain," the yellow lady went back to inspecting the radars.

"Yes, we can," the green man argued. "We traded our Big Macs for this hunk of junk, and I for one want what's mine."

Princess Daisy sighed. Cabin fever. It had been three days since they sent out the Starman Pod to inspect whether or not the asteroid belt was safe to go through. Luigi was getting both restless and concerned; it wasn't at all like Koops not to report back.

"The crew is feeling the same," Luigi said. "We can't stay on hold forever. We're down to half a ration already."

"With all due respect, you're the captain. It's your desicion. We either take our chance and head out, or we stay here like dorks... Sir." Daisy didn't really feel like having this argument again. They didn't know what was ahead of them; too bad they didn't realize this before they found that it was impossible to go back. Several large, yet sluggish asteroids blocked the passages, and hovered above them, making it impossible to turn. The ship was quite literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. If the asteroids didn't disperse in another day or two, they would have to evacuate and head back to the Fathership.

WHOMP! The entire ship started shaking, and the alarms went off. Luigi got up and turned around on a dime, clearing ration wrappers and beverage containers away from the secondary control panel.

"Are we under attack?" Daisy reached for the alert button.

"Yellow alert," Luigi replied. The sound, although not as earsplitting as a red alert, echoed through the ship.

"Should I prepare a counterattack?" Princess Daisy rested her hand above the panel.

Luigi took a closer look, then sighed and rolled his eyes. "Call off the alert. The moron bumped the hangar beam again."

The Starship's bridge could of course not be left unattended, and the rest of the crew were either on post or taking a well-deserved rest. They therefore waited for Private Koops to come to them.

"Captain Luigi!" The Koopa Troopa waved a piece of paper, which turned out to be a hand-drawn map.

"Sir," he said wit a tepid salute. "We need to set sails immediately. I found a safe passage."

"Private, why haven't you responded to our messages?" Luigi asked.

Because he had been listening to his favorite mix tapes, but he didn't see any reason to admit that. "I'll go and alert the others."

It felt wonderful to be moving again. Daisy was so grateful she had decided to join Luigi on this trip. She fed Koop's map into the scanner and watched as the great, just a little dented machine map out the squiggly lines on the radar.

"Excellent," Luigi nodded. "We'll be at Base 2 by lunchtime."

"I hope so," Daisy replied. Her stomach was rumbling, and not for rations.

Base 2 was constructed to be more like a home than Base 1, yet not nearly as comfortable as the Fathership. The crew of the Doom Dancer were delighted to find that they were able to both shower, sleep and eat a light dinner before being called in to the Board.

One didn't have to be a highly decorated member of the Starmanfleet to make it to the Board when they retired. Having intimate knowledge of the galaxies sufficed, all medals were just icing on the cake. Several Starmanfleet officers joined the Board when they were tired of field work, but not ready to retire.

The Boardroom was situated in a little bubble made out of bullet and cometproof glass outside the base. To get there one had to travel by Pull Stars. Daisy hated Pull Stars. It wasn't the Stars themselves, but ever since she was a little girl, she had nightmares about them suddenly letting go of her, sending her into outer space.

"It's alright," Luigi said as she arrived to the entrance. "Drink some of this and you'll get your color back."

Daisy almost emptied Luigi's canteen. "Thanks."

The Board members did not look pleased this time. Luigi hoped that they hadn't sailed for two weeks to hear out budget cuts, as if there was anything left to actually cut from the budget.

Daisy however realized from the stack of donuts on the table that their faces were too grim even for budget cuts. She took her seat, waiting for the axe to fall.

"Welcome, Doom Dancers," the middle Koopa Troopa said. "Thank you all for arriving so soon. We have problems."

"After much deliberation, we decided to entrust you with our plight." The female Goomba next to him nodded.

"What's going on?" Luigi asked.

The Board members turned their faces to a large recliner in the corner. The Doom Dancers' eyebrows were raised almost to the ceiling as it was turned around.

The one sitting in it with his hands ingenuously folded in his lap was Bowser Jr. This little bruiser was one of hundreds, if not thousands of people to go missing after the first wave of Limerence bombs were launched on the Mushroom Planet. Only a hundredth of them were ever found.

"No one ever expected to find them in outer space." the Troopa shifted. "This particular Koopa has caused so many problems for us in the past, but since he came here, he has been a model prisoner. The real problem is that we don't know what to do with him. He has expressed a wish to return to his father, King Bowser, but honestly, we don't know what to do."

"We fear that if we do send him back, he will join his father and create more... problems," the Goomba lady said. "After all, King Bowser was charged with the last Limerence attack."

As far as the Toadstool Court was concerned, where the latest trial of Existence v. Bowser had found place, there had been no "attack". The king of Koopas had been sentenced to hard labor and group therapy, and had served his term without any more drama. Luigi pointed this out.

"There's no evidence to support that Koopa was behind the Limerence attack, and as we all know, he's not what you would call a detail person. Whenever he does commit a crime not only does he wear gloves, he even admits it in court."

The others chuckled at this. "Then who was the culprit, if not him?"

"Oh come on," Luigi scoffed, "There are plenty of bad eggs to choose from on the Mushroom Planet."

Daisy raised her hand. "Besides, it is against intergalactic laws to keep a minor from his or her parents, no matter how rotten they all may be. Bowser must be beside himself." She then got an idea. "Why don't we ask the prince where he had been all these years?"

The Troopa pushed a button, making Jr.'s chair glide towards the table. "You heard her, son. Where have you been these last three years?"

Bowser Jr. looked up at him, with such calm and trust it was uncanny, not to mention creepy, as Daisy and Luigi had known him for a long time.

"Why, with the Forest Wizard, sir."

Limerence is a neurotoxin that has a very powerful effect on both Koopas, Toads, Beanish and Humans. Luigi knew that, although Sarasaland, where he normally lived with Daisy, had been relatively unharmed by the bombing. However, in small doses it is used recreationally, despite being banned in a matter of days wherever it is introduced. It works on children though; in a way Luigi hoped would go unnoticed forever by the universe's soccer moms. It made them... perfect. And Jr. was not excempt; for instance, the soda and donuts on the table were untouched.

"You've been imprisoned in the Forest Wizard's castle for _three _years?" the Goomba lady asked, baffled.

"Yes, Ma'am." Jr. nodded politely.

"But... How sis you get out?"

The little one pondered, then recalled. "Well, he took me aboard his ship, together with his wife, and then he released two giant barrels onto a moon... Wait, it was no moon. It was a satellite, I think, and then after a few more days, he saw this station. And he said that I could go home now.

The room was silent for several minutes. Luigi was the first to think of a relevant question.

"What was in the barrels?"

Junior smiled. "Well, sir, you know. That powder that sparkles. It's ever so pretty!"

More Limerence. Luigi turned to the others, and he realized who was behind this calamity.

"Wizenheimer."

The biggest, fattest and most creepy Magikoopa who ever lived, and Luigi had also been his prisoner, along with his brother Mario, and friend Peach. They had spent one night in the dungeon of his castle, until Yoshi freed them and ate his wand. Mario had incapacitated the distraught Wizenheimer with a blow to his head; fatal to most Magikoopas. None of them recalled if he had dropped a coin and vanished; or even dreamed that the embittered, lonely wizard would ever rise from his plentiful ashes.

"Son," the Koopa continued. "Do you remember where this satellite is?"

Luigi interrupted this. "Excuse me, sir, but where are you going with this?"

* * *

"There is no way in hell we're taking this assignment!" Luigi shouted and banged his fist into the table, then he blew on it. It really hurt.

"Yes, we are," Daisy took out a bottle of Bactine and began surveying his knuckles for injuries. "If we can destroy the bomb, we can save an entire galaxy. Not only will people thank us, but we'll be set for life, no matter how much we may screw up later."

"That actually makes a lot of sense." Luigi nodded. "It's just that... You've never dealt with Wizenheimer before. I have. The one moment I was enjoying a nature walk with my friends, the next I was in a basement with the sharp end of a wand pointed too low."

"Ouch." Daisy bit down on her lip. "Look, it's not as if we're going alone. The whole Starmanfleet has got our backs on this one."

The former plumber took a deep breath. "I'll trust you on this one, Daisy."

He looked at Junior, who hadn't moved or said a word since he was placed in a peripheral chair on the bridge. "I just don't know how many else there are to trust."


	12. Farewell to the Flesh

**This part is a testament to how much I loathe his weeaboo living doll crap. Just when the world had finally wrapped its head around the fact that plastic breasts are gross, this abomination happened.**

**Happy Valentine's Day!**

* * *

The girl frowned and threw the opened gift box into the waste bin the moment she was alone again. Orange shoes? Really? What did her mom think her daughter was, a clown? She tapped the touch pad of her thousand Coin computer and logged into her home page, to check her messages.

Koopakoopie was a self-proclaimed makeup and fashion expert and had thousands of fans world wide. Hers was one of the most popular pink blogs the online world had to offer, mainly because they were naive enough to believe that her altered self portraits were the real deal. According to her website, Koopakoopie was part Koopa and part Human; the human side was a beautiful European princess who had fallen in love with a rogue Troopa, whose whole family was on the run from the law. Their lovely offspring had been placed safely at a nunnery until her mother and father, both disowned, could find a way back into the country they were exiled from. She herself had inherited only the very best from both sides and then some, such as a tiny frame, long curly blonde hair, a doll-like face and snow white scales, and almost no protrusion of her snout. Ah, the magic of WhoopShoop, the computer program that is in no way affiliated with Adobe Photoshop.

In reality Koopakoopie was no more related to a human princess than a Blooper a killer whale. She was not really lacking in physical beauty, Koopakoopie was heinously ugly on the inside. She was spoiled, lazy and haughty, refused to help her mother and thought less of her father than a smashed piggy bank.

She had worse problems, though, in her mind, at least. The more attention she got online, the more haters she attracted as well. "Haters" were those who saw through her paper-thin gimmick as if it was the plastic she pretended was real, and called her out on it. She couldn't keep up with deleting their comments and reporting false claims of harassment to the admins to get these users banned. What really irked her was how the haters had the nerve to point out how she treated her fans like garbage for wanting to emulate her style. How rude!

"Orange?!" Koopakoopie had shrieked. "This is the worst birthday ever!" Then she had chased her mother out and slammed the door shut.

She lay down on her pink and white four poster bed and fumed. Tomorrow she would cheer herself up with a round of online shopping on her father's credit card. With this encouraging prospect on her selfish mind, she drifted off into sleep.

* * *

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a chain of planets. Each of their respective ecosystems consisted of an individual confectionery. On one, there was hot chocolate rivers and beaches of pink sugar, as well as mountains made of marshmallow. Another had a lush jungle and a waterfall of soda that changed its flavor six times a day, some of them were even safe for diabetics. The third planet had all kinds of salty, spicy snacks and small craters filled with salsa, bean dip and melted cheese. A very rich Toad had purchased that galaxy and on the one planet that was barren, built the biggest amusement park in the history of Toadkind, and set up warp zones to the candy planets. Long story short, the resort was an immediate hit, and a rich, greedy Toad got even richer and greedier. In time a large city was built around the resort, due to the good, steady economy and a demand for workers.

The Sugar Rush Galaxy was one of many such small galaxies that were destroyed by King Koopa, also known as Bowser. During his attack on the Comet Observatory, The Koopa Troop looted the planets, and because the environment never recuperated, Sugar Rush City had no resources and thus shut down and abandoned. The galaxy earned the moniker "Rust Belt Galaxy" because of the many decaying factories that surrounded the planets' rings.

Wizenheimer had only happened upon it by coincidence, and would have been more than willing to pay a handsome price for it, if anyone had been available to do business with. When no one showed up to claim it, he had set up several makeshift greenhouses and laboratories for Limerence production. The fumes emanating from the first batches had reached an unrecorded Quirk population, and the little green humanoids were now working full time on the plant, just because they loved being close to the beautiful, aurora-like glow of the Limerence.

The dark figure closed the door to his private lab, his "test kitchen", as he called it, and peered intently at the gagged Koopa girl sitting on the rusty metal swing.

"Good morning, miss," he said and removed the tape over her mouth with a movement of his hand. His magic didn't prevent it from being painful, which delighted him.

"Who are you? Where am I?" Koopakoopie tried to free herself, but her hands had been tied to the chains with copper wire.

"I am Wizenheimer," he said, voice deep and booming. "Drug lord, weapon smuggler, con-artist... Stamp collector." He shuddered. "Guess which one I don't want to apply."

The girl's eyes widened. "Wisenheimer. I heard about you on the news."

"That's _Wizenheimer_!" As if he needed one more reason to hate his mother.

"I don't care. I know who you are. You're a murderer." She tried once more to yank her hands free, only to cut herself on the wire.

"When they find the bodies, then yes, I will be a murderer, until then, let's focus on _your _sins, young lady." He approached her, which she didn't appreciate. Not at all.

"Sins? I haven't done anything wrong!" Koopakoopie turned pale.

Wizenheimer opened a laptop sitting on a shelf. "_Konnichiwa! My name is Amai Himawari desu ne! Can you kudasai tell me how to make those kawaii braids? Arigato_!" Your response: "_Kiss someone else's ass, you retard_." It doesn't end here, and it's not even the worst part. According to your blog, you "_feel sorry for people who are not gorgeous people_". You haven't really done anything to make the world a more beautiful place, have you? Rather added to its ugliness. What do you think it takes to be a nice person? Eating makeup?"

Koopakoopie's eyes teared up, making her expensive mascara bleed.

"But don't get me wrong, my dear," Wizenheimer flattered. "I myself like being rotten. If you had used your false nails to cut me open, you'd see my festering entrails. It's just that... Being mean shouldn't make one useless. I can think of a better way for you to channel that... Innards' decay. Trust me. Back on the Mushroom Planet you'd just end up in the hidden section of a seedy entertainment shop and you know it."

He flicked on a floor switch with his foot. The round podium below Koopakoopie turned out to be a large steel vat, covered by a mechanical trap door. It was fill with -

"Sulphuric acid." Wizenheimer peeked over the vat's edge like a curious kitten. "Ironically this is the first step towards realizing your dream of unachievable beauty."

The Koopa girl was terrified, and her tears became steam on the acid's surface. "But why?"

Wizenheimer took the chain suspending her. "Well, two reasons, really. The first? Well, ever since I accidentally shanghaied that tourist barge, both the Koopa Troop and the Starmanfleet have been breathing down my neck. Second, despite my girth I can't be everywhere at once. I need someone to guard this place and my Limerence canon. And..." He dried a false tear, "My dear wife has been so down lately. Sugar Rush is already mine. But if you restore both the city and the carnival to its former glory... I will have both a powerful base and a happy wife."

He lowered her slowly into the pool of corrosive. "You know, my dear, you younger ones accuse my generation of being oppressive toward women. As much as I agree with you I must say that your "Pics or it didn't happen" generation's brand of misogyny is the worst in history. You actually venerate and perpetuate the idea that it's fine to be ugly on the inside as long as you're pretty on the outside."

Koopakoopie screamed as she was dropped into the pool of corrosives. She flailed her arms as the liquid seared her body and tried to claw her way out. Wizenheimer clutched the edges and watched in delight as the acid went from yellow green to a sickly reddish orange.

"Yes! Yes!" He shouted triumphantly. "Burn, baby, burn!" The acid was frothing, like a pot of pasta boiling over. The evil wizard jumped down from the step and pulled the switch, retrieving the girl from the grisly pit of doom. "You can come up now!" He taunted. "Did you wash behind your ears?"

There was not much left of Koopakoopie but severely corroded bones. That was what he had counted on. Dry Bones.

He placed her on a slab next to the perfectly sculpted armor, her new body, and gently placed her remains inside the armor's ball-jointed limbs. Besides being heavy duty, there was nothing even remotely interesting about Koopakoopie's new body, nor was there any proof that she was a female, or even human or Koopa. How could the obliteration of an organism's defining features possibly be considered a mark of beauty? Wasn't it about beauty at all, just unattainableness? Was that even a word? For a second Wizenheimer felt guilty over upsetting Koopakoopie with the acid. But it was the only way of removing her shell for good.

Wizenheimer retrieved the box his wife had prepared for him. Inside was a pair of shiny pink mary janes, a lacy white dress with a pink overskirt and a large pink ribbon, lined with white lace. He tied in the back of her peach pink corkscrews. When he was done, she looked exactly like her shooped pictures.

"Now," he said as he buckled her shoes. "You should have reanimated while I equipped you, so I know you can hear me."

The porcelain manservant opened her eyes with a very audible swish, click.

"No, no, no, close them. Your eyelash glue hasn't dried yet. You also need some eyeshadow. Just say yes or no."

"Yes, sir," the living doll said, barely moving her painted lips. They were one hundred percent urethane.

Wizenheimer helped her down on the floor. She was just a little taller than a Solo Toady. "Take a few steps."

"Yes, sir," she replied and took a stride around the acid pool.

"Good." He had worried that her tiny legs wouldn't be able to support her massive, inflated head. "Now come back to me. I have a little gift for you."

Gift. She liked that word. She set course for her new master, holding her dainty little hands out. "For me?"

"Yes, dear, only for you." Wizenheimer handed her the present. It was heavy. "You'll find the things inside to be pretty _and _deadly... Just like you."

The porcelain Koopa girl's eyes glowed yellow as they saw what was inside.


End file.
